Tim: The heartbeat so strong brought back a fun memory. I was on a retreat with Richard Moss and a crew, somewhere in some southern California deserts he loves to frequent, early in the 2000s, and during one meditation it was just all heart thudding, all the time, in a way i had never experienced. I mean, i was a breath guy from the get go, my heartbeat at best was faint and really kind of abstract almost all the time, like the touchpoint of my thumbs when i started this round: drowned out by everything else, basically, imperceptible. But here it was, wham wham wham, for half an hour. I wonderd if it did that all the time and if I had just somehow opened up to it, that this was in fact just a normal heartbeat, perceived, or if i was having an anxiety attack, or going insane in a whole new way, or what. At the meal afterward, i ended up at his table, and I asked him if he ever noticed his heartbeat. He said, "Of course," like, Duh. So I decided to not panic and just see how it went. In retrospect, it was a little fast that day, possibly even in a feedback loop with the excitement of percieving it in such strong sensate fashion, but basically normal.
If so, it's a very physical version of it, with mental clarity and the rest of my body is totally calm. I'm not sure how to accept it enough to go away, or at least learn WTF is causing it.
"y aun mas alla...amor"
parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha!