Hello everyone,

My practice at present involves being aware of a largish space and then observing my attention flitting from object to object within that space. I attempt to observe the 3 characteristics of each object before my attention moves to the next object as best as I can. I do not differentiate between objects, sounds, fluctuations in the visual field, physical sensations, thoughts in my head, moods, flashes of memory; I just follow where my attention goes.


Recently, I’ve been getting in to some fairly rarefied space, with physical and mental (?) sensations that I have not fully explored yet, so I don’t feel confident describing them here. However thought processes virtually grind to a halt here. This is a pain, because one of the reasons I’m accessing this state, is that I’ve been trying to observe the sensations of verbalised-in-the-head thoughts. But by doing so, they stop all together and elevate me to this new place as a by product. It’s a very nice place to be, and I am exploring it diligently, but a big chunk of my thought processes are still most defiantly “self” at the moment and resist all my attempts to objectify them. Very slippery too, I’m too slow. Any ideas?

In other news. A while ago I had a strong sense that the act of noticing should have a sensation attached to it. I resisted the impulse to go looking for it at because there are always lots of perfectly good sensations to be noticed in plain view. And they don’t require me to go looking anywhere special for them. Smacks of conceptualising too.

Now, I am always aware that there are always lots of sensations going on around me that go un-noticed by me. As my attention shifts I am always aware that the place my attention ends up is one of innumerable possibilities. At the beginning of the sit I control the speed and subject matter a bit so that I can stay with it enough to progress through the stages. Eventually the process gets too fast and I just try to keep up. I have started to realise that my earlier belief that, noticing should have a sensation, was a hint of something else. The fact is, that the noticing always gets there faster than my awareness of the noticing. Feels like I am always late to the party. The sensation and the noticing of it have already relaxed and had a beer. I was thinking that the sensation is the sensation of the noticing. And the fact that I’m always late means that this process could go on quite happily without me. This means that awareness, all of it, is not me. I find this really disturbing. I’m also expecting choirs of angels. But no, life is going on.

I got up from sitting about half an hour ago and to be honest some of this has occurred to me after I finished. I’m positive that I noticed the gap between the noticing and my catching up with the noticing, on the cushion, consistently, for a good chunk of the sit. The rest is rationalisation. Probably prompted by my recent reading habits.

Any comments?

note the largish space - if you're aware of attention flitting from object to object within that space, there is no doubt that your attention is flitting to that space too and you are simply not noticing it.



note what presents as 'self' without attempting to objectify it/objectify them.



good job. now good luck finding a 'me' the process could go on quite happily without.



yes, keep practising correctly. do it with total focus, completely whole-heartedly, not dividing your attention here and now between your main goal and side concerns - there can be no side concerns. be present and completely attentive, and experience will incline toward cessation.

tarin

I never thought I hear those words any time soon; not about me anyway.

Best get back to work then.

Your advice is, as ever, on the button.

Strange, I should feel more excited when it actual fact, I'm fairly scared.

I am unable to express how grateful I am.

Howard