Message Boards Message Boards

Kasinas

Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log

Threads [ Previous | Next ]
Toggle
Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/3/19 8:46 AM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 5/23/19 1:04 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 5/24/19 8:38 AM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö 5/24/19 11:03 AM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 5/24/19 12:31 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 5/24/19 2:47 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 5/27/19 3:42 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Anna L 5/26/19 2:58 AM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 5/26/19 4:10 AM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 5/26/19 3:37 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Daniel M. Ingram 5/26/19 3:49 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 5/27/19 5:02 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 5/27/19 4:55 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 5/28/19 4:57 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö 5/28/19 3:25 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 5/28/19 3:31 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö 5/28/19 3:35 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 5/30/19 3:38 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 5/30/19 11:22 AM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/1/19 3:45 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/1/19 3:44 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/1/19 6:44 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/2/19 6:59 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/8/19 2:54 AM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/10/19 7:44 AM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/10/19 3:38 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/11/19 3:38 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/12/19 4:51 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/12/19 7:26 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/13/19 10:43 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/16/19 2:46 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö 6/16/19 4:58 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/16/19 5:05 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö 6/16/19 4:46 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö 6/16/19 4:36 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö 6/16/19 4:34 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö 6/16/19 4:29 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/16/19 4:45 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö 6/16/19 5:19 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/16/19 5:28 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö 6/16/19 5:46 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Anna L 6/16/19 6:18 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/17/19 12:40 AM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö 6/17/19 1:48 AM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Anna L 6/17/19 9:28 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Anna L 6/22/19 10:21 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/18/19 5:44 AM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/20/19 5:16 AM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/23/19 5:03 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/24/19 3:38 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/25/19 5:53 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/26/19 2:30 AM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/16/19 11:13 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/17/19 10:15 AM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö 6/17/19 1:17 PM
RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log Siavash Mahmoudpour 6/17/19 2:07 PM
Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
log practice log meditation log kasina fire kasina
Answer
6/3/19 8:46 AM
Inspired by Anna L’s practice log, and suggestion that she gave that I record my experiences with Fire Kasina( Thanks Anna ), I started to record my experiences in meditation specially with Fire Kasina. And I decided to share it here, with the hope that it benefits myself and others, and I hope that it will not be a distraction for myself and others.

It’s around 40 days that I am doing Fire Kasina for my daily sits, I usually practice for 60-90 minutes, and I some times do an hour of breath practice before Fire Kasina. I practice at nights before going to bed, candle is the only light source, and I continue my practice while in bed until I fall asleep. There are some more information about my practice background and experiences with Fire Kasina and how it has developed in my previous thread on this site:
https://www.dharmaoverground.org/discussion/-/message_boards/message/13223904

It’s near two years that I am practicing meditation, mostly with Shinzen and Culadasa’s techniques and teachings, and sometimes with techniques that I've heard from Daniel and Leigh Brasington.

In this post, I put a description of how my experiences is with Fire Kasina these days, and if there is a new and notable experience later, I’ll put it in subsequent posts.

Sequence these days:
Staring at candle for 1-3 minutes, at after 30-60 seconds, I start to see a dot like shape in the middle of flame which is green, then I see a pale purple one in the middle of the flame, which is the nimita that is projected into the flame, an at this point I close my eyes.

I see the after image. The candle that I use, I put it inside a plate which is circular, so in the after image, I see a dark circle, filled with black and very dark purple colors and usually is pixelated, and it has a bright yellow ring around it, I focus on it, it starts to fade, and the yellow ring starts to turn into green and then fade, and a bright flame like dot arise out of this circle, a little above its center, where the flame would be in the after image.

The flame like shaped dot, is yellow at first and is not stable, is shimmering, and appearing and disappearing, I try to focus on it and keep it there, but because of problems that my eyes have, it’s not so easy for me. As the dot gets more stable, its color changes to something between red purple and pink, and sometimes has some little yellow or dark lines or dots inside of it.

After about 1-2 minutes of closing the eyes, a ring appears around the dot, at this point dot is somewhat red, or deep pink, and the ring which is pretty thick is green, and this green area itself is inside a bright violet to purple circular area which is glowing, and has areas that is made of lots of tiny lines or hairs, and sometimes this violet/purple area itself is inside at glowing green cicular area. Sometimes other colors usually shaped as flame are washing across this whole multi color area.

As I focus on this dot, sometimes it gets more stable, it stays there for a minute or two with a few moments of fading away, and the colors around it become brighter and more defined. Sometimes there are lots of green and purple pink and violet and black colors around the center, right from beginning, that they cover the center and makes it harder to find the dot inside all these colors and dots and circular areas.

After a few minutes, the dot starts to shrink, and a bright green dot arises from its bottom, sometimes the red or yellow dot completely disappears and the green dot replaces it, but usually they stay together, and for a little while, the dot appears and disappears, and shrinks more, and at some point it disappears. Sometimes a clear small shiny black dot arises after the red dot, but usually after the red dot, center is not well defined, and there is a black/dark ball/hole that moves and changes shape, and for a few minutes, the red dot arises again from the center of black dot, and then the red dot goes away completely.

Usually after the black dot arises, a bright blob of deep pink or bright violet arises in the center around the black dot, sometimes it's in the center and sometimes not. Usually there is a green area around it, and sometimes they exchange their places, green is in the center and the pink/violet is around it, and they move and morph into different shapes and different shades, although nothing well defined, and usually at the beginning of the murk, there are lots of black, purple, violet, pink and green colors that move, shine, and form different patterns, including one or more little or bigger dots, and lines or hairs.

At this point I open my eyes and stare at the candle for 1-2 minutes, and then I blow out the candle. Almost all of the above repeats again, except for some little differences, at first, instead of a shimmering yellow dot, a stable deep pink or bright magenta dot arises out of after image, and then after sometime it turns into the red-pink color like the above. At this second round, usually red dot stays more stable than the first round, because attention is more stable, and sometimes it appears and is stable for just a little, then it fades away into black dot and the murk, and the period that the red dot is there, is very short.

It goes almost like this for the rest of the sit, but sometimes, specially if I widen my attention, the colors mostly fade away, and the background is black/dark grey mixed with dark purple, and there are some little purple lines around the center that are moving and sometimes shades of bright violet movig like a mist.

When my concentration gets better, specially when I focus on the body and the visuals at the same times, these shiny colors arise at the center and around the center towards to top pf the field. It looks like in the area around the center, background is black which is very black! and is shining, sometimes it looks like there are black/dark holes in space, and there are lots of little blobs of bright white or very light purple/violet or very dark purple/violet or both arising from the background and fading away. The main difference with the normal colors in the murk is that all these colors are very shiny, and they expand and contract, and often this black background itself expands and contracts. It’s quite beautiful, and it’s there if I am maximally focused, if the attention wanders or is not sharp, it fades away. I wonder if this is molten gold or not, since in the glossary it says that molten gold can manifest in different colors.

And I should mention that usually there are lots of vibrations in my head and forehead for most of the sit, it happens always with any technique, if I am concentrated, I get these vibrations in my head, which produce feelings of pressure in head and around the eyes.There are some other piti-like sensations too, like spread of tingly sensations or sensations like pins and needles over the arms or legs, some sensations moving at the bottom of spine that creates itches around it and in the hips, and when it gets more intense, it create a feeling of coolness or breeze that spreads over hands and feet and face, sometimes whole body. Some vibratory sensations inside the hips, which feels like something like a stream of water or blood is moving inside the muscle, and when it gets more intense, it spreads tingly sensations over the legs. And there are lots of itching and sweating usually, sometimes sweating becomes real distraction since it comes from forehead and tends to go inside eyes and nose, since my eyes have problems, its usually hard for me to keep my eyes completely closed so sweating becomes a problem, also when concentration is good, eyes are flickering rapidly, specially when red dot is present, this flickering makes it harder to stabilize the dot.

I can see almost of of these visuals and colors with eyes open too, they are just less bright, but almost there is no difference. When I see some colors, if I open my eyes, it’s almost the same with eyes open too, it looks like that it is more distant with eyes open, and less bright but no other differences.

And if I don’t use the candle, I see almost the same colors and patterns, except the initial red/yellow dot isn't there, but usually a green or purple dot appears in the center, and sometimes there is a black dot in the center just after closing the eyes.
I see most of these visuals when I am doing other techniques too, like breath or practice on mental activities.

For a period of around 10 days or two weeks maybe, there were lots of little bright dots that were appearing a little off the center or far off to the right or left, and they were present with eyes open or closed, in formal practice and in daily activities, in white, yellow, green and purple colors, that were shimmering and disappearing after some moments, but it’s a few days now that they don’t appear much.

May we all be happy and well :-) .

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
5/23/19 1:04 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
These little bright dots are back again, specially in daily activities with eyes open. It’s like I am doing something and suddenly I notice one or more bright dots appear shimmering or stable like a bright LED flashlight, usually is beautiful bright purple or yellow, green or white and at a distance of 1-2 feet away from the eyes, but sometimes in a far distance.

Sometimes at office I stare at mountains at a far distance that are covered with snow, and suddenly I see a bright dot shimmering and blinking which looks like it’s behind the mountains. And staring at these mountains or clouds sometimes, create a very beautiful after image, it alternates between green and purple. Starts with one of these colors then turn to the other one, and usually at the end, turns into a magenta color and then fades away.

Yesterday while doing breath practice, there was lots of the bright and shiny white/purple/black colors and lights which appears when concentration is stronger. For some period also there was a spark of bright white and yellow lights in the center, surrounded by these shiny colors expanding and contracting, at some point it was so bright that it was a little hard to stare at it.

It’s interesting that these bright lights doesn’t appear in Fire Kasina practice as strong as in breath practice, unless I combine Fire Kasina with breath or body awareness.

Be well and happy :-)

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
5/24/19 8:38 AM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Update:
Last two nights I gazed a the candle flame only once, there was no major difference except that in last night’s sit, red dot showed up very briefly and then disappeared into black dot. I did an hour of breath practice before Fire Kasina, which strengthens concentration and makes the transition to black dot faster.

Last night there was lots of color swirls similar to an alcohol flame, which looked transparent in a way that there were other visuals behind it. It happens sometimes like this, which looks like there is two layers to the murk, and the one that is closer to the face is transparent and the other is behind that.

It happened twice last night that I saw images in the murk for just a moment. It was vague and not 3D and appeared for just a moment, but I could detect the image clearly. In the last weeks, it happened a couple times like this that I saw a creepy looking image in the murk, for just a moment, but no clear images.

It’s been a while that there is a color in the murk that looks kind of blue but it’s not blue. Last night purples and greens were changing to this color, that was much more closer to a sky blue, but never became a blue. Although it was beautiful and was looking like an alcohol flame moving and forming different shapes.

I fell asleep at the end of Fire Kasina sit, because I had sleep deprivation for a few days, although this doesn’t happen with body and breath practices, but it happens quite often with Fire Kasina, if I am sleep deprived.

Yesterday for most of the day there was a feeling of agitation. I was feeling that my mind is distracted and this distractedness creates agitation, so I was trying to focus on something and not be distracted, but after a few moments I was gone into distractions. It's interesting that recently this happens often, that when I am not mindful in daily activities and the mind is not unified, this distractedness creates a feeling of agitation and restlessness.

Yesterday towards the night, strong muscle pulsing and throbbing started to arise, mostly in arms and legs, and it was there in formal practice too, and still continues today.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
5/24/19 11:03 AM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Centered bright lights in breathing practice sound like a good sign. I have heard about luminous jhana, and while I’m not sure what qualifies as that, it seems to match the descriptions that I have seen.

I get vivid after images in daily life as well. Unfortunately I’m not blessed with views of mountains (I love mountains, so say hi to them from me), but even very banal objects have beatiful after images, so it brightens up the world.

For me getting sleepy during meditation happens in the dukkha nanas dissolution and misery, but also in low equinimity. It seems like I need to go through a phase of sleepiness in order to let go of control enough to get into fourth jhana. In my experience, fourth jhana is excellent for effective vipassana. If sleepiness coincides with strong enough concentration to see centered bright lights in daily life, you are probably not in the dukkha nanas, so maybe you are letting go. The fact that sleepiness occurs mainly in concentration practice supports that hypothesis, I believe, but I could be totally wrong. I have been struggling with sleepiness for a while now as well. Being on the threshold between re-observation and low equinimity can be a bit confusing, at least for me. Sometimes one gets the worst parts from both (agitation and sleepiness), sometimes the best parts (mind-speed and faith). Sometimes it’s just a mess, and sometimes it’s neutral and seems very unsignificant. Sometimes it varies rapidly. Does that sound familiar?

It is interesting to follow your practice. Thanks for sharing!

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
5/24/19 12:31 PM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
Thanks Linda.
Yes it's familiar. In the last 10 years maybe, normally I would need 7-9 hours of sleep each day, but in recent months it has changed. Sometimes I sleep 4-6 hours and I don't feel sleepy and don't get dullness and sleepiness in formal practice, but sometimes I sleep 6-10 hours and still get dullness and sleepiness in daily activities and in formal practice, like today and last few days for instace and another effect that happens with it, is that it's really hard to get up after waking up, but the other times that I need less sleep, it's easy to get up, so It could be Dissolution, I don't know. In recent few days, I have different flavors of negatives feelings, yesterday was mainly agitation and restlessness, today is a deep sadness and hopelessness accoumpanied with pulsing in muscles and less mindfullness in these two days. Normally it's effortless for me to start to focus on something, what Shinzen calls stop on a dime, but these two days it takes effort and it's hard to stay mindful in daily activities, but I don't know.

About those sparks of bright lights, I don't get them in daily activities, but I get them in both breath/body practice and Fire Kasina practice, its duration and strenght depends on the level of attention stability and having dullness or not( clarity ). Yeah I think it can be used for luminus Jhanas, but I haven't tried it yet.

More than a year ago I started to have bright lights with eyes closed with most of the techniques that I was practicing, at that time I thought that it's the same light that is used for liminus Jhanas, and it faded away after some weeks or months and didn't come back, except occasionally, but later I heard from Bhante Gunaratana that he said that if this light occupies a large space, it's not the light as a sign of concentration and it has karmic causes, and the desired light should be small and bright like a spark, later I heard the same thing from one of Pa Auk sayadaw's students that said that Pa Auk sayadaw distinguishes these two kinds of light too. The light that arises in recent months, I think has the qualities for luminus Jhanas, since it's small and like a bright spark that is scintillating in the center of visual field, so I may try those Jhanas later. Generally I didn't have much success with Jhanas since joy doesn't arise. Concentration is ok I think and piti can arise but not in the form of joy and happiness, but mostly as vibrations/pressure/heat and etc. Anyway.

Thanks for reading these longs descriptions :-)

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
5/24/19 2:47 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Regarding dukkha nanas, although I don't know I've ever been in these stages or not, but there are periods of negative emotions that repeat and it seems that they are not related to other life conditions, and usually they reflect in my dreams too.

2-3 days ago I had several different dreams at one night, and they had the same negative vibe. Usually these dreams cause me to wake up, but this time none of these dreams did it. Repeating themes are fear and sadness in these kind of dreams.

In one of them I had a secret and I was trying to hide it from my family, but I couldn't and it was pretty bad when they found out.
In another one, there was an airplane above us, and it crashed with a huge explosion, and after that I saw my mother and she was telling me that my brother and my nephew died in the explosion, but she was smiling and I was really confused and I was asking her to tell the truth and she was just smiling and I couldn't understand.
In another one, two little girls, 6-7 years old, were going to deliver drugs to someone, and I was trying to help them find the address, but I was constantly showing them the worng way and we couldn't find the address.

And again about the dreams, normally I have lots of dreams every day and I usually remember some of them clearly, but since I've started Fire Kasina practice, most days I don't remember any clear images from my dreams, and I only remember the feeling that the dream had.

Another effect that probably is related to Fire Kasina, is that around 10 days after starting Fire Kasina, I had my first vivid lucid dream, that I was completely aware that this is a dream and I was aware of my body sensations both in bed and in the dream, and I was doing things in the dream to see their effect and to see that they will cause me to wake up or not, and one of them did!

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
5/27/19 3:42 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Update:
Last night I didn't do Fire Kasina sit, I already had practiced two hours with other techniques and it was late so I went to sleep, but I decided to stay awake longer in bed and focus on the murk, and I guess I continued practicing while I was asleep for 1-2 hours.
Although I am not sure, but I was maintaining awareness on the visual field, and I was thinking that I am awake, but at some point, I noticed that I am awake now and there is a change in perception and I needed to get up, although I couldn't remember the exact time of waking up if my assumption is correct. This happens from time to time that it seems that practice continues in sleep too.

Later when I went to sleep again, I decided to try to catch the moment of going unconscious, the way they talk about in Mahasi tradition and Shinzen talks about it too, but I couldn't.

Yesterday towards the night, the feelings of sadness and hopelessness almost went away, and there was a feeling of disgust, and I was feeling it in my face, and there was a feeling that it seemed that something wants to get released in my face, similar to the feeling that one gets in nose and face before sneeze, and it continues today without the feeling of disgust.  I can't detect the flavors of negative feelings that are present today. They could be related to my work also.

It would be wonderful to be able to continue the practice while being asleep. I wish it for everyone that likes to have it.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
5/26/19 2:58 AM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
You write: "In the last 10 years maybe, normally I would need 7-9 hours of sleep each day, but in recent months it has changed."

Interesting ... I have been a long sleeper (9 hours) since childhood but this has changed for me dramatically this year. Most nights I only need 7 hours. Some nights only 6. 

I attribute this to a few things, but fire kasina practice and intense backward bends in my asana practice (dropbacks) seem to be the likely contenders ... I started needing less sleep sometimes after fire kasina sits but results were patchy. The combination of meditation and intense asana seems to have made the sleep changes more stable and consistent. 

I also notice more hypnagogic and hypnopompic hallucinations after intense bouts of fire kasina practice although this is not always pleasant!

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
5/26/19 4:10 AM as a reply to Anna L.
Anna L:

I attribute this to a few things, but fire kasina practice and intense backward bends in my asana practice (dropbacks) seem to be the likely contenders ... I started needing less sleep sometimes after fire kasina sits but results were patchy. The combination of meditation and intense asana seems to have made the sleep changes more stable and consistent. 

I think there is another factor too. When it happens for a number of times that is not like the old habit, the subtle fear starts to go away that if I don't sleep this long, I wouldn't be ok, and the belief changes which makes it easier to change the habit. I've noticed it in myself but I can't say about others :-)

Although I don't know that this change in sleep is temporary or not, because I sleep longer when there are negative emotions. Last night I slept 11-12 hours and I couldn't get up, it was hard. It needs probably another 2-3 years to monitor the effects on sleep ;-)

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
5/26/19 3:37 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Siavash Mahmoudpour:
When my concentration gets better, specially when I focus on the body and the visuals at the same times, these shiny colors arise at the center and around the center towards to top pf the field. It looks like in the area around the center, background is black which is very black! and is shining, sometimes it looks like there are black/dark holes in space, and there are lots of little blobs of bright white or very light purple/violet or very dark purple/violet or both arising from the background and fading away. The main difference with the normal colors in the murk is that all these colors are very shiny, and they expand and contract, and often this black background itself expands and contracts. It’s quite beautiful, and it’s there if I am maximally focused, if the attention wanders or is not sharp, it fades away. I wonder if this is molten gold or not, since in the glossary it says that molten gold can manifest in different colors.


Any answer about the question at the end about Molten Gold? Thanks.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
5/26/19 3:49 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
That does sound like the molten gold, which, as you say, often isn't gold, but somehow we just call it that, as it often does start as bright yellow for some, and a more dull gold for others, but for me it has been hot white, bright purple, and all sorts of irredescent colors. Yes, it is beautiful, and it is an unforgiving object if attention fades.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
5/27/19 5:02 PM as a reply to Daniel M. Ingram.
Daniel M. Ingram:
That does sound like the molten gold, which, as you say, often isn't gold, but somehow we just call it that, as it often does start as bright yellow for some, and a more dull gold for others, but for me it has been hot white, bright purple, and all sorts of irredescent colors. Yes, it is beautiful, and it is an unforgiving object if attention fades.


Thank you so much Daniel :-) . I was just listening to your recent interview now with Michael for maybe 7th time ;-)
That's reassuring, thanks. When my concentration is at it's maximum, usually after an hour of breath practice, and in Fire Kasina sit combining visuals with body awareness, the center is mostly sparkly white and yellow with a color similar to the birghtest point of a candle flame, but that doesn't happen often. Both cases are pleasant.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
5/27/19 4:55 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Update:
Last night, to my surprise, at the end of last FK sit I fell asleep! Although I wasn't sleep deprived, and I had two other sits before the last one, which usually makes concentration stronger when doing multiple sits, and also two positive events had happened outside of the practice, but still concentration wasn't good and attention was dull.

At the end of the sit that I fell asleep, I had an interesting and silly dream. In the dream I was seated and practicing Kasina, there was a dot, a little dark dot maybe dark brown and I guess there were two other dots too, and I was thinking that if I stabilize attention on this dot, which seemed pretty easy, the release will happen and I will pass The Stage! What stage, I don't know, but there wasn't any doubt about this perception. And in the dream, each time that I focused on this dot, I felt sensations specially at my nose and face, that felt like something wants to release.

And today I woke up after 12 hours of sleep, which was surprising too. Although today was holiday and I usually sleep longer at holidays, but still 12 hours was surprising. Related to stages? Maybe, I don't know.

Last night I used another candle with a smaller flame, that changed the appearance of red dot. With the other candles that I use every day, the red dot is shaped like the candle flame and its initial color usually is yellow, but with this new candle, the red dot was mostly red, and a little smaller with a circular shape for most of its lifetime.

These 2-3 days, there is more violet color around the black dot and in the murk. Different shades of violet.
Yesterday I intended to have orange color which I haven't had so far, and for a short period there were little swaths of a color close to red and orange, but still no orange.

Still there is this distractedness in mind that seems that it's the cause of these feelings of agitation in body.

For anyone that reads this page, I apologize that sometimes there are lots of typing mistakes in my writings. Being a long time programmer, I am so used to type in an IDE with a compiler, that reports errors, and when I don't see any red error, my mind assumes by default that there is no mistakes!

Be well and happy :-)

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
5/28/19 4:57 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Update:
And finally Blue!

Last night I sat for 90 minutes, and there wasn't any dullness or sleepiness which made the sit more productive.
I read parts of Chapter 29 of MCTB on Kasina practice, to the point that Daniel describes how to change one color to another one in the murk, and since this blue baby decided to not show up by itself, I decided to apply the course to the green and make it blue by injecting some intentions, and it worked!

The green:
A blob of green color in the center that always moves and changes shape and changes color to different shades of green which is inside a moving cicular area like a donut with a hole in its center and this area is made up of tiny little lines of deep pink to bright purple, background of its hole is black, and the green lives inside this hole.

I asked the green that appears in the center of the murk, when the black dot fades away, to change to blue, and it had a hard time doing that, it was facing an identity crisis I guess, but after lots of switching between green and different shades of violet/pink/purple, finally it came close to a blue, but not the blue that I intended, but still it was blue. My intention was to replace the green with a blue star, and at some point it changed a few times to a star too, not well formed though. And while in bed, it got more closer to the intended blue, and formed star shape more frequently, which was fun.

Also there was something like a star field, started while the red dot was present and lasted for about 20 minutes. I am not sure that it matches the description of star field in the glossary, but around the center, first a few bright dots appeared, then they spread towards the edges of visual field, and there was maybe 10-20 of them, each one had a pale halo, and most of the dots were yellow-white, and a few of them were purple.

For most of the murk, specially when these dots were present, it felt that there is a depth to the visual field, and it looked much more 3D than before.

Let's try to bring some orange too, and make it dance with this blue together ;-)

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
5/28/19 3:25 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
I thoroughly enjoy reading your practice journal. Just wanted to say that. emoticon

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
5/28/19 3:31 PM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö:
I thoroughly enjoy reading your practice journal. Just wanted to say that. emoticon


Thank you Linda :-) . That gives extra motivation to practice and write :-)

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
5/28/19 3:35 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Siavash Mahmoudpour:
Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö:
I thoroughly enjoy reading your practice journal. Just wanted to say that. emoticon


Thank you Linda :-) . That gives extra motivation to practice and write :-)


emoticon Wohoo!

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
5/30/19 3:38 PM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
Update:

Ok, let's write it down instead of listening to it repeat over and over again in the head!
( This is a side effect of engaging in any new activity or community and etc, and needs some practice and time to normalize it )

Last two nights I didn't have quality practice, because I had very busy work periods and sleep deprivation due to a severe tooth pain that caused me to not have enough sleep, I only had 2-3 hours of sleep for each of two nights before last night, and it's interesting that this tooth pain intensifies in formal practice, I don't know why. I had another episode of this tooth pain several weeks ago that lasted for several days, and it was the same at that time too, that the pain was getting more intense while trying to focus on something. Anyway, there was lots of pain and sweating that were causing distractions in practice.

Last night in the beginning of the sit, a minute after I closed my eyes, my whole body jumped, and that happens usually when there is sleep deprivation, that my whole body or arms or legs jump suddenly a few times during the sit.

And after that I had lots of hypnagogic images. Everyday I walk back home from the office, and there are many mulberry trees along the path I am walking, and sometimes I stop and pick some mulberries. I was getting hypnagogic images of these trees.

The red dot appeared very shortly, and it didn't start with a yellow color like usual, and it was reddish right from the beginning but had some yellow inside it. Then in the murk I was focusing on the whole visual field, and then I was seeing these mulberry trees projected into murk vaguely and for a moment or a few moments there was a feeling that I am both there wanting to pick mulberries and also here meditating. Then trying to stay with the murk and after a short period, I was catching myself looking at the trees.

In the beginning of the murk, there was some spreads of tingly sensations over arms and legs and head, and some sensations at the bottom of spine, a thin white noise, similar to a radio static or a thin bamboo whistle sound, in my ears that happens often on and off the cushion, then the dullness and sleepiness came and all these effects disappeared, and I fell asleep and I didn't wake up for 4-5 hours, then I woke up 2-3 times but I couldn't get up, and slept there seated for about 7-8 hours. Later I woke up with an ache in my neck.

I woke up remembering a dream that I had with an old friend, and in the dream we both had strong feelings of intimacy and affection towards each other and we were expressing it to each other. I had these feelings after I woke up too. A few weeks ago I had a similar dream about my brother, although I don't remember any images of that dream, but we had similar strong feelings towards each other at that dream too, and I was feeling it that day for a few hours after I woke up from that dream. I don't remember to have this kind of strong feelings in my dreams before, although I have lots of dreams always. It seems that it's a new experience.

The blue that I had intened to show up in the murk, is showing up more frequently with eyes open today, and also yesterday, and today it has a shiny jewel tone to it, that varies between bright purple/violet and blue, sometimes appears as a bright dot and sometimes as a shiny blob or swath. But still with eyes open it's mostly green when I stare at something, and blue comes and goes in the center of that green.

When there is sleep deprivation, like now, if I am not gazing sharply, these bright colors appear with eyes open, white/pale green/ pale purple and violet, that sometimes makes it hard to read a text on monitor. I have to lower the brightness of the monitor.

Last night there was a feeling of joy for a few hours, that inspired me to listen to some music and play the musical instrument that I have for half an hour.

Oh I forgot to mention :-D, in the beginning of those hypnagogic images, first I had images of the neighbourhood that I am living in, and I saw Daniel arrived in the alley with a motorcycle, and I had a thought that "interesting, I didn't know Daniel uses a motorcycle" :-) . I don't know why this showed up, probably because I was reading these posts about him and Culadasa. Got sad by reading that. Anyway.

Trying to stay awake and do some quality practice, while there is stiffness in muscles and some aches and pains!

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
5/30/19 11:22 AM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
A Question?

I was reading the "Diagnosing the A&P" post by Daniel now, and specially the case that is mentioned about someone crossing/having A&P while in a dream touching bright jewels in a cabinet..., reminded me of a dream that I had last year, which I had a post about it on Shinheads.

So this question came to my mind that what I had in that dream is related to A&P maybe?

I copy/paste the post that I had on Shinheads here without any edit, it's a little long, and although I don't expect to have an answer or diagnosis based on descriptions like these online without knowing someone closely, but I would appreciate if anyone reads it, and maybe would like to give an opinion.

I appreciate your time for reading these logs.

Shinheads post, October 24, 2018
Last night inspired by Michael and Daniel Ingram’s conversation on the latest episode of Deconstructing Yourself, I did an hour of candle flame Fire Kasina practice, then I went to sleep, and while waiting to fall asleep, I focused on See In Rest, on flow of darkness/brightness in mental screen.

Then I was in this dream, that I was practicing focusing on sensations in my hands in the dream, and I noticed that when I focus on these sensations, my body goes up like a weightless balloon, and I was feeling weightlessness, I tried to focus on my hands again, and my head and torso got up into space while my feet was on the ground and I was staying with a 40-50 degree angle, so I got worried and tried to resist and stay on the floor, but then I had a thought, that this is a purification that is happening, and I should not resist it, so I focused on my hands again, and my whole body got up into space near the ceiling, then I tried to be more single pointed with these sensations in my hands, that caused me to hear a very loud scream in my head, exactly like an animal is fighting for its life and screaming very loudly, like a baboon. This hearing caused other sensations to flow over whole my body, sensations like electricity currency, or coolness and feeling pins and needles in the body, like when there is a sudden intense fear or excitement. For several times, I tried to be more single pointed with sensations in my hands, and each time it caused me to hear the same loud scream, and that caused these sensations flow over whole my body.
I was up there for a little while, then I was on the floor, and there was another guy which I didn’t know him, but I knew that he is part of me, kind of I was divided up into two parts, him and myself, and I was feeling sensations in my hands and arms, and trying to move my arm, but I couldn’t move it, and I was looking at him and asking him to move his arm, so that movement of his arm cause my arm to move.
Then I woke up, and first moment I wasn’t clear that I am awake or asleep, then I noticed that image space has changed, because I had opened my eyes, and I realized that I am awake, and I noticed that I am focused on sensations in my hands, the same sensations that I had in the dream.
For several times, I brought up those images that I saw first, of being in the space like a balloon, and again it caused me to hear the same scream, and to have the same sensations in the body.

Any thoughts !?

P.S. Since childhood I have a flying dream that I see regularly once or twice a year, and in those dreams, I just intend to go up, and I go up, and if I am outside, I usually go up something like 40-50 meters, but I don’t remember feeling weightlessness clearly in those dreams, but this one was very clear, and I was feeling clearly no weight.
Thanks.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/1/19 3:45 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Update:

Tonight I intended to have a real looking star field, got nothing like that.

No yellow dot, just a brief red dot.

After that, it was pretty dark, most of the field was dark, black and some dark purple in it, and some little blobs and lines of color around the center, moving around, changing shape and color. In recent weeks it was never dark like this.

2-3 times molten gold started to appear, but concentration was not good enough to sustain it.

Towards the end, dullness arose, so I started to focus on both body and visual field, and also use labeling with See Feel labels, and used mantra too.

When concentration was better, there was sensations at the bottom of spine, sometimes moving or changing, and itches around it and around the hips, also itches in the nose that is probably because of concentration, some spreads of tingly sensations in arms, legs and head, which one of them was interesting, it spread only in left side of the body, left side of the face and head, left arm and left leg!

Before sit, I was reading Fire Kasina book, during the sit specially towards the end, I was hearing conversations between Shannon and Daniel, mostly Shannon was talking, I tried to use mantra and labeling to stop these mental talks, but when I was getting dull, these conversations were playing in my head again.

Last night I had intended to have a real looking star field too, but after the black dot, I fell asleep and woke up three hours later!

It seems that I need to get more rest and have better quality sits.
Let’s see what comes next.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/1/19 3:44 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Update:
My sleeping hours has become quite unpredictable these days. Today I couldn't get up to go to work, although I woke up a few times, but I couldn't disconnect myself from the dream world, and I was feeling that there is something important there that I need to go back to sleep and discover it, well I wasn't fully awake. It happens from time to time like this, and when I can't get up to go to work, the rest of the day is filled with sadness/grief and frustration. There is such a sadness that you would like to just sit and cry, but you are so cold that it's impossible to have a cry.

There was some strange dreams today. It was 7 in the morning that I went to sleep, and I was focused on the visual field in bed, and I was thinking that I am awake, but I was dreaming. Nature was calling and I needed to get up and I was conscious about that, then in the dream I got up to go to bathroom, but I went somewhere else and things happened there, then I came back to my room, which was different from my actual room, before I lie down, I noticed that there are a few dots with different colors with eyes open, that are rotating very fast around the center of the field, so I started to watch it, they became faster and faster, then they formed circles, each circle was made of several dots with the same color, so each cicrle had a different color, but they all were aligned on each other, and they all were spinning together like a tube around its axis. Then they came apart and stood with a fixed distance from each other, and each one with a different diameter, but their center was ailgned on a line, each of them looked like a pearl necklace, and they were spinning around their shared axis, it was so interesting to watch it, then I decided to check if it is 'real' and can be touched or not, so I put my hand up in their spinning orbit to see if they touch my hand or not, and to my surprise they touched my hand and I felt it clearly on my fingers, but after that they fell down on the floor. I took one of them and rolled it on the ground, and it rolled and moved like a wheel, then it went up into space and was moving and rolling in the space. There was something at a corner on a table, that if this necklace of dots would hit it, it should fall apart in case that this necklace was 'real' because I had felt it on my hand, so it went towards that thing and crossed through it like a light beam and that thing didn't fall apart. Then the necklace was on the ground and it seemed that it fell apart, and I noticed tens or hundreds of tiny little bright dots that seemed that came out of that necklace.

Then I woke up, and got surprised because I was thinking that I am awake, again started dreaming and when I woke up, again there was surprise because I was thinking I am awake, that happened for several times, and I was noticing the process of waking up, not in great details though, but I couldn't notice when I was falling asleep. It seems that there was some consciousness during the dreams.

And some positives:
Last year, or maybe 7-8 months ago, for a period of several weeks, in formal practice when I was getting concentrated, I was feeling/remembering pleasant smells and tastes, mostly smells, that most of them was related to my childhood. They were pleasant smells that mostly I had experienced them 10-25 years ago, and I was remembering them and feeling them in practice, probably a manifestation of piti?, and interestingly enough, I was forgetting them completely after the practice. Sometimes the smells would bring mental images related to the events or locations that I had experienced them, and sometimes there was a pleasant feeling related to an experience in the past, without detailed sensations like taste and smell. After seveal weeks, it stopped happening, and for a period of another several weeks I was feeling unpleasant smells, mostly smell of something burning, and that passed away too.

Now it's a few days that again when concentration is better in formal practice, I am feeling/remembering pleasant smells and tastes related to the old days, mostly related to the experiences in elementary school, and also there is an overall feeling of a location, for instance last night I had the feelings that I had when it was a new school year, with new books and new bag and smells of new books and new notebooks and new things to learn and clean papers of the notebooks to write on and the excitement related to that, I had a vague feelings of that with some mental images. Another day I had feelings of being at my elementary school and its classroom which I haven't been there for more that 26-27 years.

Anyway, needed to write, to weaken this feeling of sadness because of oversleeping and not going to work.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/1/19 6:44 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Update:
Tonight's practice was much better than recent few days.
Today after a few weeks that I was looking for some good quality candles, I found a shop that had many different kinds of candles, and got excited and bought many candles, different sizes and shapes ;-) . Tested the one that is probably 2 inch diameter, was very good and beautiful.

Almost no dullness, kept a mantra during the sit, towards the end I included the body in awareness too to not let dullness to slip in.

There wasn't any new or special experiences, but what is important is that after the practice, sadness is almost gone :-)

I am thinking to do a self retreat for 2-3 days, or for a few days turn my day into retreat and maintain mindfulness in all activities (Monastize the day in Shinzen's language), but haven't decided yet, because I don't want to decide to do it but not do it very well.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/2/19 6:59 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Update:

Day:
Feelings of deep sadness. Later on at office, both sadness and frustration. I can’t focus on my work. Low energy, and I can’t decide where to start the work and what to do. No solutions comes to mind. Feelings of tiresome with some aches and pains in the body, like when you have flu.

Closed my eyes for a few minutes to focus on the body/breath, there wasn’t much distractions, but after a few minutes sleepiness arose, having slept 7 hours today, I wouldn’t expect sleepiness. Could be related to Dissolution? I should read Insight chapters of MCTB again, although I don’t know that I’ve been in A&P or not.

Night:
Sadness is mostly gone. There was a brief period of subtle joy early at night, that wanted to release and express itself, but then it passed away too. Now it’s more neutral.

Formal practice:
I love this new thick candle, it’s so beautiful. Its flame is stable, but a little smaller than the other one and a little thiner.
Did 20 minutes of body/breath practice before the Fire Kasina, which caused some sensations at the bottom of spine, some spreads of tingly sensations, a few times a subtle feeling of coolness and breeze mostly in face.

Red dot which started red was very stable, brighter, and stayed longer, with some appearing and disappearing, and its center was yellow at first, with dark particles inside it which seemed are moving, but were too small to detect. At the end, green showed up at the bottom of the dot, and then briefly the dot became green and then became black and disappeared into black hole and other colors.

After the black dot and different colors and bright dots dancing around it which all were gone after a few minutes, the murk was quite dark, with not much colors or activities in it, just black and dark purple and little swaths of color here and there.

In the murk I had hypnagogic images of the mulberry tree which is near the house (not 2D, not 3D, lets say 2.x D), so this time each time that I had its image, I tried to actually see the tree in the murk and stay with it, and for a few times it felt that the little color blobs in the murk, are mulberries on the tree.

Kept a mantra going, with included awareness of the body/breath at the end.

Today in overall I was more mindful than previous days. Now those negative feelings are almost gone. This week we have a few holidays, thinking about how to make use of it, and do more practice.

May everyone be happy.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/8/19 2:54 AM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Update:

I did a mini self retreat in the last 3 days, mostly on Fire Kasina. I couldn't dedicate the entire day to practice, due to some health conditions and other things that I needed to do, but I did 6 hours formal practice in average each day, and I tried to maintain mindfulness between the sits. There wasn't any new experiences since this is not an enough dose at all, but the experiences that happen usually, happened with higher intensity and more frequently, like having molten gold in all sits of yesterday and figuring out what to do to have molten gold.

The most important thing that I did was that I put my laptop aside for the whole 3 days and diconnected the internet. It was an achievement since this is the first time in probably 10-12 years that I intentionally don't use computer and internet for more than a few hours. And I noticed many times the craving for listening to a talk or reading a text, exactly like an addiction that you would need a fix. It's an addiction. I hope to repeat the same pattern with the other bad habbits that I have.

I kept a mantra going during the sits and also in other activities, because without a mantra, there was lots of mental talk going on. My mind was relatively quiet for quite a while, but recently there are always mental talks, so using a mantra seems reasonable. Towards the end of the second day, I noticed that mantra is playing itself, and it felt that "I" am not saying it, and it's parallel to my intention and is saying itself.

There was a deep feeling of sadness and despair for most of these days, and I had thoughts about why I am practicing, what's the point when I don't have progress and things like that. They mostly passed away last night, I don't know why (They'll be back again.., oh yes, they came back now that I edit this), but I tried to remind myself that, the that fact I am practicing and trying to do it right, is the progress. Also I noticed that I could feel breath sensations clearly on my feet and toes and head and neck while I wasn't on the cushion, and that brought some hope too, since I couldn't detect breath in those locations with the same clarity a few months ago.

Another effect was that yesterday I was noticing much more details in the red dot, it was mostly a combination of red, yellow and green, with dark particles inside it that were moving and rotating.

And with the murk, since it was quite dark in the previous days with not much activity in it, in the last two days it started to be much more alive. It's still dark, but there are more colors in it, moving and changing. Last night I decided that instead of having a wider attention and focusing on the whole visual space, I should focus on the changing details and on the flickerings that were happening very quickly in the murk, that a big area of the field was flickering very rapidly and there was tiny little lines inside it that had very fast and harsh movements. I focused on these changes, and that brought more colors and activities to the murk.

Another effect was that it took more that 2 hours to fall asleep last night, I was focused on the murk and also on the body, and I was absorbed with colors and no dullness was coming. Also it was interesting that except for 1 sit, there wasn't any subtle dullness in any of the sits.

I don't have the same motivation as when I started this log to write practice logs. One reason is that probably it causes some distractions for me, although I am not sure. And the other things is that, one "me" says that it's good and useful to have practice logs of different people and we can learn things from it, but another me says that it's just an act of selfishness, and even if someone reads it, it just wastes their time. Let's see how things manifest.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/10/19 7:44 AM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Update: (Let's continue!)

Excitement and stage diagnosis:

First a report on last night's sit, then some thoughts about stages of insight.

What I forgot to mention in previous post was that, it's two three days I guess, that I started to pay attention to the suffering aspect of experiences too, specially in formal practice. Everytime I noticed a craving for something, for example for an experience to arise, I noted it as craving and suffering and tried to release that craving. I've only done this a few times before several months ago, but I noticed I should do it more.

Yesterday similar to the previous days, there was lots of negative feelings. Sadness, despair, discouragement and etc. But towards the end of the night, they mostly went away. Then I sat to practice, red dot started like normal, with lots of fine details, then while red dot still was present, I noticed that those bright dots that I was getting before and were absent for around two weeks, showed up again. I got excited and changed the scope of attention to the whole visual field, and for the first time, the visual field looked very similar to a star field. It had more depth, and looked bigger than normal, and background was quite dark, with these little bright dots in it, each one with a pale yellow halo around it, it was like a painting of sky with distant stars on it. It was a pleasant experience and I didn't try to push the mind to fill the bandwidth of attention by focusing on the body or mantra, and just stayed open and relaxed with a diffused and wide attention.

While in bed, since I practice in bed every night, I noticed that if I focus just a minute on anything, I get lots of vibratory sensations, tingly sensations, sensations at the bottom of spine, spread of coolness and breeze, also I was getting nice perfume smells. Also there was very strong sexual feelings and crazy and unusual thoughts about it, all of these similar to experiences that I had around a month ago during the first weeks of this Fire Kasina practice. All of these, with the fact that the other negative emotions were gone, led me to this conclusion that probably some stage transition is happeing, which I explain more.

Today I still get all of these effects, vibratory and energetic sensations. Also there is a feeling of spaciouness (actually it started last night in bed with closed eyes that I noticed my body image is inside a bigger and more 3D space), it's not always there, but I notice it regularly, it feels that the space around me is more 3D than it was before. Also with mental visual space, I see the image of myself in a larger space compared to before, and the ambient image space is larger. And when looking at external things, it feels like there is a subtle spaciousness and 3D-ness around them. In the evening I was watching mountains and clouds, and space around clouds and mountains felt very 3D, I don't remember having this clear sense of 3D space before, or at least in recent months or .. . It was so beautifull and I was absorbed and amazed by the beauty of the depth of space, that looked unusual to me.

Stages diagnosis:
So I decided to take my speculations about navigating insight territory more seriously, and put this skeptical doubt aside, at least for now, to see how it will affect my practice, and later if I was wrong, I can switch back to this skeptical doubt again. But I see some patterns that are repeating, that looks like cycling. But also I know that all I want to say, can be totally wrong.

In this near two years that I am practicing, I don't remember how my experiences were exactly in all this time, but there are periods that I remember, because they were different from my ordinary experience.

1.
After several months of starting the practice, mostly with Shinzen's techniques and mostly practicing on mind, See In Hear In, there was a period that I was very calm, tranquil, enjoying walking, enjoying sitting, my posture was very stable and pleasant, and I was enjoying to just sit, and without making effort, enjoy the present moment, and enjoy the stability of the posture. My mind was quiet, I was noticing periods of silence between thoughts, and the silence itself was quite pleasant. So if what I think is true, this could be the Mind and Body.

2.
That changed later and I began to have negative emotions, muscle tensions, interference of attentoin with breathing, jerkiness in muscles and body and etc, but I don't remember exact details.

3.
Then around 5 months ago, there was a period that lasted around 1.5-2 months, and was very unpleasant. There was all kinds of negative emotions, sadness, despair, anger, fear, worries about almost anything, bodily pain specially in chest and back, very intense muscle tensions and muscle clenchings that were causing aches in my bones, difficulty with breathing, jerkiness in body that with a sudden sound my whole body would jump and etc, and my working hours got reduced to half in that two months. I was sleeping longer, concentration wasn't good, and I wasn't doing much practice. Also I had many dreams that included fear or deep sadness, that would usually cause me to wake up, sometimes I would wake up screaming because of the fear in the dream, and they were mostly dreams that there was a fear of unknow in them, an unknown that could lead to death, like falling down from a very high building, or suddenly there was several stragers in my house wanting to do harm to me. I would always wake up before happening any real damage in the dream, but usually effects of it continued after waking up too, like having sadness for some hours or a day, after I had a very sad dream. First I was blaming my boss that had changed the office that I was working in and since I wasn't comfortable there at all, I was thinking that it causes anxiety and negative emotions, but then we decided to go back to the old office, and for one or two days I felt kind of normal, but then all the negatives came back again, so I realized that it has nothing to do with work, also I had evidences that it's not related to health too.
I think this period could be The Three Characteristics, if was not dukkha nanas, but based on descriptions that I read, it's more likely that it was the Three Characteristics.

It passed away too, but in an interesting way. One night I was walking back home from the office, and I had lots of aches nad pains in my chest around the heart and in ribcage, and I had difficulty breathing. I had to take deep in-breaths, and I was feeling that it can happen any moment now that I will stop breathing. So there was anxiety, and I think it was mostly because of the pains and the breathing problem. Different thoughts were arising about what can happen. What would happen to my family if I die, or if I get a serious problem and not be able to work, or should I go to hospital, or should I stop smoking cigarette. A mixture of fear, sadness, despair, confusion and frustration. At some point while walking, fear and frustration became more prominent, to a point where Shinzen calls it freak out technically, that I was having thoughts in many different directions without having clarity, and mind status was just chaos, that I felt that I can't bear it anymore. for a few seconds or a minute, this thought was spinning in my mind that, I just can't do it anymore, so I decided to let go. I relaxed my muscles and tried to walk in a relaxed and loose way, and I said to myself, let whatever happens happen, I don't care anymore, I don't care if I die, be sick, unable to work or whatever, I don't care what will happen and what will be it's consequences, so I won't do anything, and I'll just watch it to go in any direction that it wants, and it's not my business anymore. Just a few moments after these thoughts and this letting go, I noticed that I am breathing much more easily, and for a few minutes/seconds, a subtle joy arose, but then again the fears came back, so for some minutes, I tried to repeat the same pattern and let go and relax. That night I was much better, and I got less muscle clenching in abdomen while having my daily phone call with my mother, and I started to notice that negative emotions don't arise as intense as before. It took a few days after that, maybe 3-4 days, that all of negative emotions stopped, and all aches and pains disappeared, and I got back to normal.

After that there was a period that looked more or less normal, although for two weeks in this period, I couldn't do much practice because I was traveling.

4.
And after that, around 50 days ago, I guess when I started the Fire Kasina practice, another period started, that in this period I had relatively more energy so my working hours increased, Almost always I was getting energetic sensations, vibrations on my head, sensations at the bottom of spine, spreads of coolness and tingly sensations, vibratory sensations that felt like something is moving under my skin like a stream of blood. And most days I was doing two sits instead of one, and sleeping 2-3 hours less than normal. And there was very strong sexual feelings with crazy thoughts and tendencies. I was more mindful in most of daily activities, and I would only need a minute or two, to concentrate on something and get all these mentioned effects of piti and vibrations.
So, these description could match the A&P, right? If so, then after that I should continue to Dissolution and later stages, or maybe go back to Three Characteristics?

5.
A few weeks ago almost all of these effects passed away, I again started sleeping more as it's reflected in this log, some days 12 hours, and had dullness most days in my sits, and I was falling asleep often at the end of sits. And I got stuck at a phase of the murk, that kept repeating every day without any change in it. Negative emotions came back again, with the main theme being sadness and despair, there was anger too but not much. Some days I had bodily pain without any obvious reason, and concentration wasn't good, and I wasn't getting piti even after a few hours of practice. In contrast to the previous period that it would only need a few minutes. So there wasn't much energetic and vibratory sensations. And no sexual feelings at all. Again in this few weeks my working hours decreased, and I had problem at work with concentrating, and some days it was really hard to collect my mind around a problem to solve it, and it happened a couple of times that because I couldn't concentrate on the problem, I stopped working and came back home.
So I think that this period could be dukkha nanas stages, but it could be Three Characteristics too I guess, correct? My guess is dukkha nanas stages.

6.
And last night again my experience changed, negatives stopped, and the effects that I mentioned above about A&P started to show up. I guess this should be a cycling down to A&P or a cycling up to A&P? My guess is first one, but I am not sure.

If anyone cares to read and comment, I would highly appreciate.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/10/19 3:38 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Update:

Body temperature is very high these two days. Intense intense sweating, specially in head, it's like I put my head under water and take it out. I thought weather is too hot, but it's just 27 C now.

And lots of buzzy vibratory sensations, Specially in head, arms and legs. Sometimes I feel that body likes to explode or jump out of skin, and when I turn the attention towards it for just a few seconds, I get these buzzy vibrations in head. Today at office, I noticed that the sensations at the bottom of spine are getting more intense and are moving, so I focused on the body, and many buzzy vibrations occured on my head, it feels like energy is releasing. Focusing on anything for some seconds causes these vibrations and tingly sensations mostly in arms and legs, and also moving sensations at the bottom of spine.

Also sometimes I have these sensation at the sole of my right foot, that feels like it's cool and wet, like if that area is touching cool water. I had it the last time (30-50 days ago) that I was in similar state/stage, which is A&P I guess, at that time I thought that really it's water under my foot because I noticed it a few times in bathroom, but later I realized that there is no water, and it is just another strange sensation.

Still there is this impression of spaciousness, around physical objects, and mental images. It feels like space has more depth than before, and there is a much more clarity to the mental images. Mental images are more clear, and when noticing physical sensations (sounds, sights, feelings), the mental impression of them that appears as mental images is more clear and spacious, so the whole experience feels more spacious and 3D. I guess it was around a year ago that for a period of time, I had the same impressions, but it was so subtle and so brief, now it's more obvious and clear.

It happens sometimes that when I am looking at something, for just a moment it feels like the space itself moves an inch or more up or down, then returns to its default location. It happens when I stare at the candle too, that if I stare at it for more than 1-2 minutes, for just a moment I feel that the candle and space around it moves a little and then returns back to it's place.

An in the last night's sit, despite not having enought sleep at previous two nights (2-3 hours each night), there wasn't any dullness or sleepiness.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/11/19 3:38 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Update:

In last night's FK sit, in the murk a few times low resolution images appeared, I don't remember all of them, but one was a bald guy whose head was twice the size of rest of his body, and he was looking at me. Another was a homeless guy who was looking at me also, and half of his face was his teeth, and he had a big creepy grin. When this second one appeared, for a moment I noticed a confusion, that should I have a feeling of compassion toward him, or a feeling of disgust. Both of them were not completely face to face with me, and they had turned their head toward me. The other images were faces too I think. And in the previous days and weeks, I had similar images sometimes, very low resolution, with samll size. I don't think that they can be called hypnagogic images, because there wasn't sleepiness.

A note about vibrations in head:
As far as I've noticed, they never occur during in-breaths, they occur in the pause between in-breath and out-breath, or in the beginning or middle of the out-breath. If with eyes open I focus on something that would cause these vibrations, just before the vibration I close my eyes automatically, but if I force myself to keep the eyes open, there will be a difference in how the vibration feels in the face and head, and the felt sensations is not strong with eyes open, but the buzzy vibratory sound/noise of it in head is loud. But with eyes closed, there are both strong feelings of vibration in the skull, and also loud buzzy vibratory sound/noice in head. It feels like my head is connected to a vibrator and it vibrates the head. With each vibration that lasts 3-5 seconds usually, it feels like a burst of energy is releasing, then there's a pause for one second or more and then another vibration occur. 

And with the cold water touch feeling/sensation that I mentioned I get in the sole of right foot, today I noticed it in the sole of left foot too for the first time.

Another strange sensation that I have in these few days, is a very sharp feeling of burning/stabbing, it feels like I get stabbed with a hot and very sharp knife, but it feels just on the skin and not inside the muscles. It appears sometime in a random location and is there for about 20-30 seconds then fades away. I don't know that it's part of the package of the other strange/vibratory/energetic sensations, or has some other cause.

It's a few days that in the practices in daily activities and spare times, I am trying to decouple the physical sensations from their mental images, but I haven't had much success with it. I try to see the mental image of the sensation clearly, which has led to this conclusion so far that most sensations have a set of images and not just one image. Sometimes I try to change the location of the observer to a location other than it's current location (which often is inside or around the head), but it doesn't work well. It needs much more practice to change the location of the observer or to collapse the distance between the observer and the observed.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/12/19 4:51 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Update:

In last night’s FK sit, low res images appeared again for probably 6-10 times. All of them were creepy faces except one, the first one which was image of a young guy, that seemed like is seated on a chair and is talking with someone, and wasn’t looking at me.

Also this beautiful mulberry tree appeared a few times in the murk, semi 3D, kind of like I am both here and there with the tree, or, something like that.., and I tried to make its images more clear, so it stayed a little longer and appeared a little clearer, and some of the washed out pale color blobs in the murk appeared as mulberries on the tree. All of it was very low resolution.

There was tiny little dark particles inside the red dot that were rotating when the red dot appeared, but then they disappeared and it was a clear bright red dot after that, which turned into a red-green dot, and then a green-black dot, and finally turned into the black dot that is bigger usually. Should I call it black coin!?

And I had lots of spontaneous movements during the sit. Also intense sweating which becomes a distraction really. When a drop of sweat is moving on the skin, specially if the concentration is good, it feels like something like a dull card is cutting the flesh and bone at the some time while the drop is moving, with a hard deep pain. Feels quite painful.

Also last night I set an intention, to see the red dot as a bright star and have stars in the murk, but I didn’t get any starts. However there was lots of bright dots, and sometimes the field was looking like a star field! Read about intention-setting in Fire Kasina book last night, so I thought it’s fun to try. But I had some visuals related to the intentions that I had weeks ago, and wasn’t thinking about them anymore, like seeing blue color, or turning the colors in the center to a S like shape, which both appeared last night with low quality.

Today again there was lots of vibratory/tingly/energetic sensations without practicing during the day, because I was very busy, but these sensations were occurring.

I should remind myself to write about how the sequence is these days in the next posts.

An interesting observation:
Sometimes I notice patterns in numbers are repeating during a day. By that I mean the numbers that I see in a day which includes watching time on  clock or other numbers in computer and etc, some days a reasonable subset of those numbers follow a pattern.
For instance, some months ago for a period of time, I was seeing number 7 regualrly, and if would watch the time 30 times a day, 5-10 of them would include numbers like 7, 17, 27, 7:17 and alike. Then it stopped, but again in recent weeks/months, for some days I noticed another pattern that was repeating, specially with time, that I would watch the time when hour and minute were the same, like from 30 times of watching the clock, near 5-10 of them were like 02:02, 11:11, 21:21, 03:33, or the opposite numbers like 21:12 or another pattern which includes multiplication of its components, like 11:22, 11:33. I didn't have it recently but it's two days I guess that again I notice it. Specially today it happened at least 10 times and with not just the clock, but also other numbers that were in messages of other places. I don't know what is behind it, or I am just making up a pattern or not, but it's very interesting!

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/12/19 7:26 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Now that I just published the previous post, a few seconds after that I watched the clock, and it showed 2:22 emoticon)))) .

And now, a few hours later, I noticed another one! Even stranger!
Everyday I write down some statistics about the day on a notebook. Now I was just checking it, and noticed that for one of the items, the number for yesterday was 2.67, and the number for today was 2.76, and after that, that I checked the clock while I had forgotten the patterns on clock, it was 4:44 !!! I wish to find out someday what's going on!

And it's interesting that if I intentionally look for these patterns, I won't get it, but when I am not thinking about it, and it is totally absent from the mind, they appear.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/13/19 10:43 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
The sequence these days

1.
Stare at the candle flame for 2-3 minutes. After about a minute I start to see a green dot inside the flame in the brightest spot of the flame. Then I see a pale magenta oblong shaped dot a little above the green dot, and it looks like the after image of the candle is projected into flame. Then I close my eyes. Sometimes there is a halo around the flame, that is made of thin purple, green and deep pink lines. Sometimes that the concentration is better and there are more energetic sensations like last days (which I think should be A&P), when focusing with full attention on the flame, then suddenly a burst of energy release happens with vibrations in my head that causes the eyes to close.

2.
After closing the eyes, for a few seconds there is a green area in the center in a dark background, and there are different shades of green in it. Then a red dot shows up in the center or upper part of the green area. Last few weeks that I was using a thick candle, I was seeing a beautiful after image of the candle after the green colors, it was a 2D shape of the candle in dark purple color with a green halo around it as a border of the candle shape, then the red dot was appearing in the location of the flame in the after image of the candle. The color of the afterimage was brighter purple the last several days that I used that candle. But last few days that I’ve switched to a thin candle, I don’t have much after image, and the red dot appears after the green colors. After the red dot appears, there is still the same green colors around it, sometimes it’s more purple and not green, sometimes there are both colors, and sometimes there are other bright colors that look more like an alcohol flame, but after a few minutes these colors mostly vanish.

The red dot used to be yellow previously, when it first shows up, but in recent few weeks, it starts with a red color, its shape is always the shape of the candle flame for most of its lifetime. And it blinks in and out for some seconds/minutes. After a little while, a yellow color appears inside the red dot, as if its inside is yellow, and the yellow area has a red border. And recently there is a small green spot inside the yellow area, that fades away after about one minute. The remaining red is not so thin. But the yellow vanishes after a little while and again it becomes completely red. When it first appears, there are dark little particles inside it that are moving, and sometimes it’s noticeable that they are rotating, they vanish too towards the end of its lifetime. And if I try to focus clearly on these particles, the red dot disappears and reappears after one or two seconds.

3.
Then, other colors appear around the red dot and the dot becomes more stable and stays there without applying much effort. I think this phase could be the second Jhana phase. By the way, the dot is always in the center and it never wanders off to the sides. I don’t remember in this two months that I am practicing to have the dot off the center, but last year that I did some Fire Kasina practice, although I couldn’t have the dot easily, but when I had it, it was moving in all directions and it was hard to keep it in the center. In this phase, the dot is a little smaller and is more circular with bright red color, and there is a green thick border around it, and there is a deep pink thick border around the green border, and there is a green halo around the deep pink border, and around it is dark with sometimes color swaths coming and going. The deep pink area is made of very thin lines or hairs, that are moving and changing shape. Also the green border around the dot is often like this, made of thin lines and has movements in it.

4.
Towards the end of the red dot, a bright green dot appears at the bottom of the red dot, and for a little while, the green dot comes and goes, and the dot is mostly half green half red, then the red disappears, sometimes there is a green dot after that, that stays for some seconds, sometimes the dot becomes half green half black, but often when the red disappears, it gets replaced by a black coin or black disk. It happens sometimes that after the red dot, there is a black dot that has the same small size of the red dot, but often the black dot is bigger and is like a small disk or a coin. After the first appearance of the black dot, usually for some seconds/minutes, red dot appears again in the center of the black dot, which is now mostly a black hole, and is bigger and looks semi 3D, and when the red dot comes out of the black dot, it is smaller and it looks like that the black area around it, has depth, and the red dot is in the deeper side of the black area/hole, or in the farther side of it from the face, and then the red dot disappears completely, and the black dot/area becomes bigger often.

Usually towards the end of the red dot, and specially during the black dot, there are lots of bright colors around the center, that are moving and morphing into each other. Often they are green, purple, violet, sometimes blue, black, and sometimes redish, and usually there are different shades of these colors. They often form patterns like alcohol flame, or there are thin lines that form a donut like shape, which its center is black and there is another color blob inside it. Often a deep pink donut made of thin moving lines, and a green blob inside it which is always moving and changing shape and color, but no well defined shape.

Also towards the end of the red dot, other bright dots appear, usually there are few green dots around the center, and some other colored dots in other parts of the field. The ones that are around the center are a little bigger and not shimmering or flickering, but the ones that are off the center, often are shimmering/flickering and appearing and disappearing.

5.
Then the black dot and most of the colors around the center disappear, and after that there is just a dark murky field. In this phase, the field is very dark, the background is a mixture of black, dark gray and dark purple, and often there are some washed out pale purple or violet cloud like areas off the center, that are hard to detect if I don’t pay careful attention. It happens quite often that in this phase, a large area of the field in the center and around the center, or the majority of the field is flickering rapidly and sometimes this flickering is very rapid. It looks like there is a 
fluorescent light and it's broken and is flickering very rapidly. Sometimes I take this flickering pattern as the object of attention. Also sometimes off the cushion with eyes open specially if I have higher mindfulness or if there is sleepiness due to sleep deprivation, I get this flickering of light, that when I noticed it for the first times, I thought that the light in the room is flickering. Around the center usually there are some washed out purple/deep pink thin lines/hairs, that are moving. Sometimes the bright dots remain in the field, and they form something similar to a star field. Sometimes the movements of these purple/deep pink lines become faster, specially if I pay careful attention to the little color blobs/swaths in the field, more colors appear that are green/violet/purple/blue sometimes/deep pink, and there are blobs of these colors and a surface that is made of the thin moving lines, and it looks like the other colors are behind the lines and farther from me. Sometimes the movement of these lines becomes more obvious, and it’s almost exactly like the plants under a fast moving stream of water, that for instance these lines are moving from left to the right, and the other colors behind it are bent in the direction of movements, as though the stream of water moves them in that direction.

The field remains almost like this for the rest of the sit. Sometimes very low resolution images appear in it for just a moment, almost all of them are faces or image of a person that is often looking at me, most of them look creepy, and appear in the center with a small size, and aften are 2D. If I try to fill the bandwidth of attention by paying very careful attention to the details of the colors, or include body/breath awareness or awareness of body image in my focus range, then patterns like molten gold appear, that the black color in the center and around it becomes shiny, and shiny swaths of bright purple/violet/blue or sometimes pale yellow appear on it, that are expanding and contracting, and appearing and disappearing.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/16/19 2:46 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Update:

These 2-3 days I am noticing a somewhat new phenomenon in the murk, specially when I don't use a candle flame and go directly to the murk. It seems that there are two layers in the visual field and the field has more depth. First layer that is closer to the face, has spots of color, pale purple and green colors that are like clouds with different density in the center and periphery and seems that are moving very slowly in a dark background, and the second layer is behind these color clouds, farther from the face, and there are tiny little bright dots in it, that are visible from behind these color clouds. These dots are very bright, almost like a tiny little flashlight with a white or pale yellow light/color. It looks like there are some LED lights behind color clouds in the field.

Another new experience that I have these few days is the increase of vibrations in the head. I mostly had these vibrations in formal practice, or when doing a very short practice period for some seconds or minutes, but these days, specially yesterday and today, it happens without any concentration. I notice sometimes that there is this buzzing noise/sound in my head, and then I close my eyes, and the moment that I close my eyes, my head starts vibrating and it stops after a few bursts of energy release as these vibrations.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/16/19 4:29 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Siavash Mahmoudpour:
Update:

Ok, let's write it down instead of listening to it repeat over and over again in the head!
( This is a side effect of engaging in any new activity or community and etc, and needs some practice and time to normalize it )

Last two nights I didn't have quality practice, because I had very busy work periods and sleep deprivation due to a severe tooth pain that caused me to not have enough sleep, I only had 2-3 hours of sleep for each of two nights before last night, and it's interesting that this tooth pain intensifies in formal practice, I don't know why. I had another episode of this tooth pain several weeks ago that lasted for several days, and it was the same at that time too, that the pain was getting more intense while trying to focus on something. Anyway, there was lots of pain and sweating that were causing distractions in practice.

Last night in the beginning of the sit, a minute after I closed my eyes, my whole body jumped, and that happens usually when there is sleep deprivation, that my whole body or arms or legs jump suddenly a few times during the sit.

And after that I had lots of hypnagogic images. Everyday I walk back home from the office, and there are many mulberry trees along the path I am walking, and sometimes I stop and pick some mulberries. I was getting hypnagogic images of these trees.

The red dot appeared very shortly, and it didn't start with a yellow color like usual, and it was reddish right from the beginning but had some yellow inside it. Then in the murk I was focusing on the whole visual field, and then I was seeing these mulberry trees projected into murk vaguely and for a moment or a few moments there was a feeling that I am both there wanting to pick mulberries and also here meditating. Then trying to stay with the murk and after a short period, I was catching myself looking at the trees.

In the beginning of the murk, there was some spreads of tingly sensations over arms and legs and head, and some sensations at the bottom of spine, a thin white noise, similar to a radio static or a thin bamboo whistle sound, in my ears that happens often on and off the cushion, then the dullness and sleepiness came and all these effects disappeared, and I fell asleep and I didn't wake up for 4-5 hours, then I woke up 2-3 times but I couldn't get up, and slept there seated for about 7-8 hours. Later I woke up with an ache in my neck.

I woke up remembering a dream that I had with an old friend, and in the dream we both had strong feelings of intimacy and affection towards each other and we were expressing it to each other. I had these feelings after I woke up too. A few weeks ago I had a similar dream about my brother, although I don't remember any images of that dream, but we had similar strong feelings towards each other at that dream too, and I was feeling it that day for a few hours after I woke up from that dream. I don't remember to have this kind of strong feelings in my dreams before, although I have lots of dreams always. It seems that it's a new experience.

The blue that I had intened to show up in the murk, is showing up more frequently with eyes open today, and also yesterday, and today it has a shiny jewel tone to it, that varies between bright purple/violet and blue, sometimes appears as a bright dot and sometimes as a shiny blob or swath. But still with eyes open it's mostly green when I stare at something, and blue comes and goes in the center of that green.

When there is sleep deprivation, like now, if I am not gazing sharply, these bright colors appear with eyes open, white/pale green/ pale purple and violet, that sometimes makes it hard to read a text on monitor. I have to lower the brightness of the monitor.

Last night there was a feeling of joy for a few hours, that inspired me to listen to some music and play the musical instrument that I have for half an hour.

Oh I forgot to mention :-D, in the beginning of those hypnagogic images, first I had images of the neighbourhood that I am living in, and I saw Daniel arrived in the alley with a motorcycle, and I had a thought that "interesting, I didn't know Daniel uses a motorcycle" :-) . I don't know why this showed up, probably because I was reading these posts about him and Culadasa. Got sad by reading that. Anyway.

Trying to stay awake and do some quality practice, while there is stiffness in muscles and some aches and pains!


I relate so much to the repeating of formulations in one’s head due to engaging in a new community, and with this community it has been very persistent, haha.

I have these sudden jumps of my body right now too, and I too get overheated. I think it has to do with purification.

Wow, this practice seems to have a strong effect on you. This is so cool!

It didn’t feel like the right time for me to do Kasina practice. I know that I will take up fire kasina practice some day as I have tried it and respond well to it. I don’t know why I don’t want to do it right now. Maybe it is because I’m more interested in letting go of conceptualizations than manifesting them and have a hunch that I’m not skilled enough to do both at once. Ideally I would love to do both.

Sorry about the tooth ache.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/16/19 4:34 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Siavash Mahmoudpour:
A Question?

I was reading the "Diagnosing the A&P" post by Daniel now, and specially the case that is mentioned about someone crossing/having A&P while in a dream touching bright jewels in a cabinet..., reminded me of a dream that I had last year, which I had a post about it on Shinheads.

So this question came to my mind that what I had in that dream is related to A&P maybe?

I copy/paste the post that I had on Shinheads here without any edit, it's a little long, and although I don't expect to have an answer or diagnosis based on descriptions like these online without knowing someone closely, but I would appreciate if anyone reads it, and maybe would like to give an opinion.

I appreciate your time for reading these logs.

Shinheads post, October 24, 2018
Last night inspired by Michael and Daniel Ingram’s conversation on the latest episode of Deconstructing Yourself, I did an hour of candle flame Fire Kasina practice, then I went to sleep, and while waiting to fall asleep, I focused on See In Rest, on flow of darkness/brightness in mental screen.

Then I was in this dream, that I was practicing focusing on sensations in my hands in the dream, and I noticed that when I focus on these sensations, my body goes up like a weightless balloon, and I was feeling weightlessness, I tried to focus on my hands again, and my head and torso got up into space while my feet was on the ground and I was staying with a 40-50 degree angle, so I got worried and tried to resist and stay on the floor, but then I had a thought, that this is a purification that is happening, and I should not resist it, so I focused on my hands again, and my whole body got up into space near the ceiling, then I tried to be more single pointed with these sensations in my hands, that caused me to hear a very loud scream in my head, exactly like an animal is fighting for its life and screaming very loudly, like a baboon. This hearing caused other sensations to flow over whole my body, sensations like electricity currency, or coolness and feeling pins and needles in the body, like when there is a sudden intense fear or excitement. For several times, I tried to be more single pointed with sensations in my hands, and each time it caused me to hear the same loud scream, and that caused these sensations flow over whole my body.
I was up there for a little while, then I was on the floor, and there was another guy which I didn’t know him, but I knew that he is part of me, kind of I was divided up into two parts, him and myself, and I was feeling sensations in my hands and arms, and trying to move my arm, but I couldn’t move it, and I was looking at him and asking him to move his arm, so that movement of his arm cause my arm to move.
Then I woke up, and first moment I wasn’t clear that I am awake or asleep, then I noticed that image space has changed, because I had opened my eyes, and I realized that I am awake, and I noticed that I am focused on sensations in my hands, the same sensations that I had in the dream.
For several times, I brought up those images that I saw first, of being in the space like a balloon, and again it caused me to hear the same scream, and to have the same sensations in the body.

Any thoughts !?

P.S. Since childhood I have a flying dream that I see regularly once or twice a year, and in those dreams, I just intend to go up, and I go up, and if I am outside, I usually go up something like 40-50 meters, but I don’t remember feeling weightlessness clearly in those dreams, but this one was very clear, and I was feeling clearly no weight.
Thanks.


Interesting dream! The electricity thing and the sensations flowing over your body sound very A&P to me.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/16/19 4:36 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Siavash Mahmoudpour:
Update:

Tonight I intended to have a real looking star field, got nothing like that.

No yellow dot, just a brief red dot.

After that, it was pretty dark, most of the field was dark, black and some dark purple in it, and some little blobs and lines of color around the center, moving around, changing shape and color. In recent weeks it was never dark like this.

2-3 times molten gold started to appear, but concentration was not good enough to sustain it.

Towards the end, dullness arose, so I started to focus on both body and visual field, and also use labeling with See Feel labels, and used mantra too.

When concentration was better, there was sensations at the bottom of spine, sometimes moving or changing, and itches around it and around the hips, also itches in the nose that is probably because of concentration, some spreads of tingly sensations in arms, legs and head, which one of them was interesting, it spread only in left side of the body, left side of the face and head, left arm and left leg!

Before sit, I was reading Fire Kasina book, during the sit specially towards the end, I was hearing conversations between Shannon and Daniel, mostly Shannon was talking, I tried to use mantra and labeling to stop these mental talks, but when I was getting dull, these conversations were playing in my head again.

Last night I had intended to have a real looking star field too, but after the black dot, I fell asleep and woke up three hours later!

It seems that I need to get more rest and have better quality sits.
Let’s see what comes next.


And this reminds me very much of what dissolution is like for me.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/16/19 4:45 PM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö
I relate so much to the repeating of formulations in one’s head due to engaging in a new community, and with this community it has been very persistent, haha.

I noticed it in your logs, I wanted to make a comment about it that probably the reason for your mental talks is engaging in this community, at least partially, but then I thought you'll find the causes yourself ;-)
I have these sudden jumps of my body right now too...
These were very intense for me, specially during the period that I marked it as The Three Characteristics in one of the posts above, but now it's almost gone, and I don't have it usually, but that day I again had lots of it.

If my speculation was right, based on that I should be around the A&P now (because of this crazy amount of energetic/vibratory sensations and not having dullness and etc), and the heat can be one of its effects, but I am not sure.

You'll do Fire Kasina when you 'feel' it's right to do. I guess!

And thanks :-)

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/16/19 4:46 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Siavash Mahmoudpour:
Update:

Day:
Feelings of deep sadness. Later on at office, both sadness and frustration. I can’t focus on my work. Low energy, and I can’t decide where to start the work and what to do. No solutions comes to mind. Feelings of tiresome with some aches and pains in the body, like when you have flu.

Closed my eyes for a few minutes to focus on the body/breath, there wasn’t much distractions, but after a few minutes sleepiness arose, having slept 7 hours today, I wouldn’t expect sleepiness. Could be related to Dissolution? I should read Insight chapters of MCTB again, although I don’t know that I’ve been in A&P or not.


May have been Misery too. Great to see that you take care of yourself in such phases and stay constructive.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/16/19 4:58 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Siavash Mahmoudpour:
Update: (Let's continue!)

Excitement and stage diagnosis:

First a report on last night's sit, then some thoughts about stages of insight.

What I forgot to mention in previous post was that, it's two three days I guess, that I started to pay attention to the suffering aspect of experiences too, specially in formal practice. Everytime I noticed a craving for something, for example for an experience to arise, I noted it as craving and suffering and tried to release that craving. I've only done this a few times before several months ago, but I noticed I should do it more.

Yesterday similar to the previous days, there was lots of negative feelings. Sadness, despair, discouragement and etc. But towards the end of the night, they mostly went away. Then I sat to practice, red dot started like normal, with lots of fine details, then while red dot still was present, I noticed that those bright dots that I was getting before and were absent for around two weeks, showed up again. I got excited and changed the scope of attention to the whole visual field, and for the first time, the visual field looked very similar to a star field. It had more depth, and looked bigger than normal, and background was quite dark, with these little bright dots in it, each one with a pale yellow halo around it, it was like a painting of sky with distant stars on it. It was a pleasant experience and I didn't try to push the mind to fill the bandwidth of attention by focusing on the body or mantra, and just stayed open and relaxed with a diffused and wide attention.

While in bed, since I practice in bed every night, I noticed that if I focus just a minute on anything, I get lots of vibratory sensations, tingly sensations, sensations at the bottom of spine, spread of coolness and breeze, also I was getting nice perfume smells. Also there was very strong sexual feelings and crazy and unusual thoughts about it, all of these similar to experiences that I had around a month ago during the first weeks of this Fire Kasina practice. All of these, with the fact that the other negative emotions were gone, led me to this conclusion that probably some stage transition is happeing, which I explain more.

Today I still get all of these effects, vibratory and energetic sensations. Also there is a feeling of spaciouness (actually it started last night in bed with closed eyes that I noticed my body image is inside a bigger and more 3D space), it's not always there, but I notice it regularly, it feels that the space around me is more 3D than it was before. Also with mental visual space, I see the image of myself in a larger space compared to before, and the ambient image space is larger. And when looking at external things, it feels like there is a subtle spaciousness and 3D-ness around them. In the evening I was watching mountains and clouds, and space around clouds and mountains felt very 3D, I don't remember having this clear sense of 3D space before, or at least in recent months or .. . It was so beautifull and I was absorbed and amazed by the beauty of the depth of space, that looked unusual to me.

Stages diagnosis:
So I decided to take my speculations about navigating insight territory more seriously, and put this skeptical doubt aside, at least for now, to see how it will affect my practice, and later if I was wrong, I can switch back to this skeptical doubt again. But I see some patterns that are repeating, that looks like cycling. But also I know that all I want to say, can be totally wrong.

In this near two years that I am practicing, I don't remember how my experiences were exactly in all this time, but there are periods that I remember, because they were different from my ordinary experience.

1.
After several months of starting the practice, mostly with Shinzen's techniques and mostly practicing on mind, See In Hear In, there was a period that I was very calm, tranquil, enjoying walking, enjoying sitting, my posture was very stable and pleasant, and I was enjoying to just sit, and without making effort, enjoy the present moment, and enjoy the stability of the posture. My mind was quiet, I was noticing periods of silence between thoughts, and the silence itself was quite pleasant. So if what I think is true, this could be the Mind and Body.

2.
That changed later and I began to have negative emotions, muscle tensions, interference of attentoin with breathing, jerkiness in muscles and body and etc, but I don't remember exact details.

3.
Then around 5 months ago, there was a period that lasted around 1.5-2 months, and was very unpleasant. There was all kinds of negative emotions, sadness, despair, anger, fear, worries about almost anything, bodily pain specially in chest and back, very intense muscle tensions and muscle clenchings that were causing aches in my bones, difficulty with breathing, jerkiness in body that with a sudden sound my whole body would jump and etc, and my working hours got reduced to half in that two months. I was sleeping longer, concentration wasn't good, and I wasn't doing much practice. Also I had many dreams that included fear or deep sadness, that would usually cause me to wake up, sometimes I would wake up screaming because of the fear in the dream, and they were mostly dreams that there was a fear of unknow in them, an unknown that could lead to death, like falling down from a very high building, or suddenly there was several stragers in my house wanting to do harm to me. I would always wake up before happening any real damage in the dream, but usually effects of it continued after waking up too, like having sadness for some hours or a day, after I had a very sad dream. First I was blaming my boss that had changed the office that I was working in and since I wasn't comfortable there at all, I was thinking that it causes anxiety and negative emotions, but then we decided to go back to the old office, and for one or two days I felt kind of normal, but then all the negatives came back again, so I realized that it has nothing to do with work, also I had evidences that it's not related to health too.
I think this period could be The Three Characteristics, if was not dukkha nanas, but based on descriptions that I read, it's more likely that it was the Three Characteristics.

It passed away too, but in an interesting way. One night I was walking back home from the office, and I had lots of aches nad pains in my chest around the heart and in ribcage, and I had difficulty breathing. I had to take deep in-breaths, and I was feeling that it can happen any moment now that I will stop breathing. So there was anxiety, and I think it was mostly because of the pains and the breathing problem. Different thoughts were arising about what can happen. What would happen to my family if I die, or if I get a serious problem and not be able to work, or should I go to hospital, or should I stop smoking cigarette. A mixture of fear, sadness, despair, confusion and frustration. At some point while walking, fear and frustration became more prominent, to a point where Shinzen calls it freak out technically, that I was having thoughts in many different directions without having clarity, and mind status was just chaos, that I felt that I can't bear it anymore. for a few seconds or a minute, this thought was spinning in my mind that, I just can't do it anymore, so I decided to let go. I relaxed my muscles and tried to walk in a relaxed and loose way, and I said to myself, let whatever happens happen, I don't care anymore, I don't care if I die, be sick, unable to work or whatever, I don't care what will happen and what will be it's consequences, so I won't do anything, and I'll just watch it to go in any direction that it wants, and it's not my business anymore. Just a few moments after these thoughts and this letting go, I noticed that I am breathing much more easily, and for a few minutes/seconds, a subtle joy arose, but then again the fears came back, so for some minutes, I tried to repeat the same pattern and let go and relax. That night I was much better, and I got less muscle clenching in abdomen while having my daily phone call with my mother, and I started to notice that negative emotions don't arise as intense as before. It took a few days after that, maybe 3-4 days, that all of negative emotions stopped, and all aches and pains disappeared, and I got back to normal.

After that there was a period that looked more or less normal, although for two weeks in this period, I couldn't do much practice because I was traveling.

4.
And after that, around 50 days ago, I guess when I started the Fire Kasina practice, another period started, that in this period I had relatively more energy so my working hours increased, Almost always I was getting energetic sensations, vibrations on my head, sensations at the bottom of spine, spreads of coolness and tingly sensations, vibratory sensations that felt like something is moving under my skin like a stream of blood. And most days I was doing two sits instead of one, and sleeping 2-3 hours less than normal. And there was very strong sexual feelings with crazy thoughts and tendencies. I was more mindful in most of daily activities, and I would only need a minute or two, to concentrate on something and get all these mentioned effects of piti and vibrations.
So, these description could match the A&P, right? If so, then after that I should continue to Dissolution and later stages, or maybe go back to Three Characteristics?

5.
A few weeks ago almost all of these effects passed away, I again started sleeping more as it's reflected in this log, some days 12 hours, and had dullness most days in my sits, and I was falling asleep often at the end of sits. And I got stuck at a phase of the murk, that kept repeating every day without any change in it. Negative emotions came back again, with the main theme being sadness and despair, there was anger too but not much. Some days I had bodily pain without any obvious reason, and concentration wasn't good, and I wasn't getting piti even after a few hours of practice. In contrast to the previous period that it would only need a few minutes. So there wasn't much energetic and vibratory sensations. And no sexual feelings at all. Again in this few weeks my working hours decreased, and I had problem at work with concentrating, and some days it was really hard to collect my mind around a problem to solve it, and it happened a couple of times that because I couldn't concentrate on the problem, I stopped working and came back home.
So I think that this period could be dukkha nanas stages, but it could be Three Characteristics too I guess, correct? My guess is dukkha nanas stages.

6.
And last night again my experience changed, negatives stopped, and the effects that I mentioned above about A&P started to show up. I guess this should be a cycling down to A&P or a cycling up to A&P? My guess is first one, but I am not sure.

If anyone cares to read and comment, I would highly appreciate.


Diagnosing others’ practice is always risky, but I would be very surprised if you haven’t passed A&P a few times, from your descriptions both here and in Shinheads, and are now cycling between A&P and dukkha nanas. So I think you are right.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/16/19 5:05 PM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
Thank you Linda for reading these all and commenting.

That's what I think too, but there are always these negative thoughts that are saying: Na, it's not that!
I need some practice for handling these negative thoughts better.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/16/19 5:19 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Siavash Mahmoudpour:
Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö
I relate so much to the repeating of formulations in one’s head due to engaging in a new community, and with this community it has been very persistent, haha.

I noticed it in your logs, I wanted to make a comment about it that probably the reason for your mental talks is engaging in this community, at least partially, but then I thought you'll find the causes yourself ;-)
I have these sudden jumps of my body right now too...
These were very intense for me, specially during the period that I marked it as The Three Characteristics in one of the posts above, but now it's almost gone, and I don't have it usually, but that day I again had lots of it.

If my speculation was right, based on that I should be around the A&P now (because of this crazy amount of energetic/vibratory sensations and not having dullness and etc), and the heat can be one of its effects, but I am not sure.

You'll do Fire Kasina when you 'feel' it's right to do. I guess!

And thanks :-)


Haha! Yeah, that’s definitely part of the reason.

You seem to cycle through the nanas rather rapidly. Energetic sensations are commonly A&P territory, but strong vibrations can happen in some dukkha nanas as well. Heating sensations can be part of energetic phenomena in A&P but can also, as I understand it, be associated with purification. High energy is often A&P territory, but not all dukkha nanas are associated with dullness. I get more energy in Fear, for instance, and also in Re-observation, which is agitated rather than dull and involves harsh vibrations. How are you feeling, emotionally I mean?

Yes, I will. It will happen when the timing is right. I trust the process to show me what needs to be done. Still, it felt reassuring to read your reply. Thankyou!

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/16/19 5:28 PM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö

You seem to cycle through the nanas rather rapidly. Energetic sensations are commonly A&P territory, but strong vibrations can happen in some dukkha nanas as well. Heating sensations can be part of energetic phenomena in A&P but can also, as I understand it, be associated with purification. High energy is often A&P territory, but not all dukkha nanas are associated with dullness. I get more energy in Fear, for instance, and also in Re-observation, which is agitated rather than dull and involves harsh vibrations. How are you feeling, emotionally I mean?


Yes, it could be the case that the vibrations are not related to the A&P, although there are spreads of tingly sensations too. But emotionally it's more or less normal/neutral in these almost 10 days, two nights ago, suddenly my energy level dropped dramatically, and a feeling of deep sadness arose. I didn't have enough energy to even move my body for a few hours, but then it went away the same way it had came. Other than it, it feels ok these days.



RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/16/19 5:46 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
I usually feel great in A&P, almost as if I’m madly in love with the whole world, but maybe I’m just more crazy than you are. emoticon I have also spent more than a few hours without energy to move, and I have despaired greatly and felt as if I were being torn apart. It makes diagnosing fairly easy but it isn’t exactly equanimous. Luckily I bounce back very reliably, so I’m learning to be more and more equanimous about being an emotional rollercoaster. emoticon I’m impressed by your harmonious approach.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/16/19 6:18 PM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
I was reading back through this thread (I've been AWOL from the forums for a while) and came across this quote by Linda:

"It didn’t feel like the right time for me to do Kasina practice. I know that I will take up fire kasina practice some day as I have tried it and respond well to it. I don’t know why I don’t want to do it right now. Maybe it is because I’m more interested in letting go of conceptualizations than manifesting them and have a hunch that I’m not skilled enough to do both at once. Ideally I would love to do both."

That's a really interesting point - there is definitely an element of creative / constructive manifestation that comes with this practice. Sometimes I am in the mood for this, and at other times I gravitate towards practices that are more deconstructive. I look forward to the day you start to get into this practice as I have a feeling you will be a natural at it and report some very interesting experiences!

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/16/19 11:13 PM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö:
I usually feel great in A&P, almost as if I’m madly in love with the whole world, but maybe I’m just more crazy than you are. emoticon I have also spent more than a few hours without energy to move, and I have despaired greatly and felt as if I were being torn apart. It makes diagnosing fairly easy but it isn’t exactly equanimous. Luckily I bounce back very reliably, so I’m learning to be more and more equanimous about being an emotional rollercoaster. emoticon I’m impressed by your harmonious approach.


Well, that's the general description of A&P to feel great, but I seldom feel that way. I'am normally a calm person, and when things are ok/great, then I feel neutral/normal/equanimous/ok, and if there isn't some negative thing going on in the background, then probably everything is great :-D . Although there are times that there are that kind of feelings, exlposive joy etc ..., that is usually more related to the music, when the mind is filled with a great music, and the music expresses itself that way.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/17/19 12:40 AM as a reply to Anna L.
Anna L:
I was reading back through this thread (I've been AWOL from the forums for a while) and came across this quote by Linda:

"It didn’t feel like the right time for me to do Kasina practice. I know that I will take up fire kasina practice some day as I have tried it and respond well to it. I don’t know why I don’t want to do it right now. Maybe it is because I’m more interested in letting go of conceptualizations than manifesting them and have a hunch that I’m not skilled enough to do both at once. Ideally I would love to do both."

That's a really interesting point - there is definitely an element of creative / constructive manifestation that comes with this practice. Sometimes I am in the mood for this, and at other times I gravitate towards practices that are more deconstructive. I look forward to the day you start to get into this practice as I have a feeling you will be a natural at it and report some very interesting experiences!


Hey Anna. I appreciate what you said about  "creative / constructive manifestation". I sometimes forget this aspect, and forget the playfulness of this practice, and also the curiosity element. I usually have the other two of the Neko' triad, faith and patience, but not always I have the curiosity. Thanks for reminding.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/17/19 1:48 AM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Thanks Anna, that’s sweet. It could be that I need to land second path first, and thus it may need to wait for a while, but I don’t know.

Curiosity, yes, that’s what I lack with regard to fire kasina right now. I also lack the phantasy for creation. I’m more submissive to the process than driven by wishes of manifestation, but with regard to where the process is taking me I do feel curiosity.

Siavash, about the calmness: cool!

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/17/19 10:15 AM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö:
I have also spent more than a few hours without energy to move, and I have despaired greatly and felt as if I were being torn apart.

Linda, you mean that you had these low energy and despair periods during A&P? Or in other stages?

You seem to cycle through the nanas rather rapidly...

You drew this conclusion based on on what I wrote that probably I had two A&P occurances and dukkha nanas between them in these several weeks? Or ?
Thank you.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/17/19 1:17 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
No no, not A&P. Dukkha nanas. I was talking about the whole range.

I thought there were more than two, but maybe I was confused there, I don’t know.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/17/19 2:07 PM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö:
No no, not A&P. Dukkha nanas. I was talking about the whole range.

I thought there were more than two, but maybe I was confused there, I don’t know.


Ok, thanks :-)

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/17/19 9:28 PM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö:
Thanks Anna, that’s sweet. It could be that I need to land second path first, and thus it may need to wait for a while, but I don’t know.

Curiosity, yes, that’s what I lack with regard to fire kasina right now. I also lack the phantasy for creation. I’m more submissive to the process than driven by wishes of manifestation, but with regard to where the process is taking me I do feel curiosity.

Siavash, about the calmness: cool!

Yes, manifestation versus surrender is an interesting dichotmony! I experience a flow between these states too. 

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/22/19 10:21 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Yes, sometimes we are not in the mood for construction and other practices are better suited to where we are currently at (that day, that moment, that season). 

I was just reminded of Kenneth Folk's three speed transmission model: http://kennethfolkdharma.com/2017/07/the-three-speed-transmission/

If I am ever lacking playfulness or light heartedness in my practice I find referring to this model to be quite helpful. Sometimes all is needed is a change in practice style/shift in gear. 

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/18/19 5:44 AM as a reply to Anna L.
Anna L:
Yes, sometimes we are not in the mood for construction and other practices are better suited to where we are currently at (that day, that moment, that season). 

I was just reminded of Kenneth Folk's three speed transmission model: http://kennethfolkdharma.com/2017/07/the-three-speed-transmission/

If I am ever lacking playfulness or light heartedness in my practice I find referring to this model to be quite helpful. Sometimes all is needed is a shift in gear. 
Thanks Anna for the link. I'll check it later.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/20/19 5:16 AM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Update:

It seems that the visual field is getting more spacious these days. Although I didn't have good quality practice last 3-4 nights. I just fell asleep after 10-20 minutes, there was sleep deprivation for the last 5 days, also I was quite tired because of a challenging problem at work.

When I close my eyes without looking at the candle, for a few moments it looks like that there is nothing there, and I am not looking (Yeah, I know, black and gray are colors ;-) ), then I notice some washed out pale green and purple colors that are spread in all three directions , like a cloud or fog, and there is an airy quality to them, and are mixed with the dark gray that fills the space, and some bright flashlights appear that are behind these color clouds. Sometimes there are bright particles, very small like tip of a needle, that are spread behind these color clouds, and those particles have mostly colors with higher red proportion.

When using candle, there is some firy colors after closing the eyes, bright purple/violet and other colors (hard to find name for colors), then they disappear and during the black dot, most of the field is filled with a bright purple/deep pink color, and after a few minutes they fade away, and the field becomes like what I described above.

The space seems to be extended along the depth axis. In the beginnings it was mostly like a 2D screen that is located is a distance from the face and there was some colors on it. However it is not full 3D. I guess this means that the space is getting more Thrid Jhana quality to it?

And in the last few days, the vibratory/energetic/tingly sensations have mostly decreased or don't happen at all, also I don't have the cold water touch sensation at the sole of the feet. Although sometimes there are vibrations in head, or a somewhat new manifestation that is a combination of tingly sensations spreading over the head and neck, and at the same time feeling chill in the head. I guess this one is new, but I'am not sure.

Emotionally it feels ok these days. There was some agitation last days (not today, so far), but I think it was related to the work circumstances mostly.

And I am still enjoying the depth in space when looking at the clouds and mountains and the blue sky. Thanks "God/Void" that there isn't any sanction yet! to limit people from looking at the blue sky.

I guess in contrast to this week that I couldn't practice more, there is an urge since yesterday to do more formal practice and also more practice in life.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/23/19 5:03 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Update:

I don't know where I might be on the map these days. My guess is that probably it's a mild version of dukkha nanas.

It was a little more than two weeks ago, that suddenly all the nagative emotions stopped, and intense vibratory/energetic/tingly sensations started to arise, while having a higher energy level, and it was like that for several days, that I think it should be A&P. But after that in recent week or so, those sensations started to decrease, and now in these two days they are almost gone. In these 10 days, there wasn't any obvious positive or negative emotion, and mostly the emotional tone was neutral, however sometimes there was a mild anxiety or worry.

Last two nights in Fire Kasina practice, just a few minutes after starting the practice, an intense toothache arose, similar to when I had negative emotions for a few weeks before this A&P phase, and it's inetersting that I have it only when practicing. It seems that concentration, specially if it's on a narrow object, causes this toothache.

For two nights before last night, I had dreams with sadness and worry/fear theme, onr included stories about death of family members and relatives, and I had an urge those days to listen to sad musics, and last night I played a few minutes the instrument that I have, and I noticed that I play sad tunes too. Two days ago, after I woke up, I had this strong urge to listen to some of the old musics that I used to listen in the past, and they have a sadness tone, and just after starting to listen, I had a good cry for 10-20 minutes.

For a few days, I noticed that I clench my jaw and teeth in sleep, and after waking up, noticing pain in the jaw because of strong clenching there.

Yesterday for a few hours, I had difficulty breathing, exactly similar to those periods that I had negative emotions, which probably were Three Characteristics or dukkha nanas, and also yesterday I had higher reactivity, and while having my daily phone call with my family, although the entire call was 5 minutes, but I was counting seconds to finish the call, and it was bothering me.

In terms of visuals in Fire Kasina practice, the dark particles that were inside the red dot, were absent for a few days, but last two days, they appeared very briefly. Also those bright dots that appear on and off the cushion, don't appear much these days. And the murk is quite dark, with not much colors in it except for dark gray and some washed out purple and green, but there is a more 3D sense to it.

Last night I noticed that the visuals in the murk (and probably it's background? Not sure.), are flickering very rapidly, and the washed out pale green or purple lines that were in the center, seemed that are spinning very rapidly around the center. The frequency was faster than I could count.

Last few days, there was a feeling mostly in face, that seemed like something wants to release, and at some points it was strong.

The tingly sensations that were spreading over the body in previous weeks, were mostly absent, but these days when focusing on the body, there is a fealing of chills spreading mostly in head and arms, sometimes accompanied with tingly sensations.

And it these two days, there are palsing in some muscles in chest or face.

Although there are some feelings of sadness or worry or agitation these days, but the overall emotional tone is kind of relaxed and calm and neutral.

And except for one day, there was dullness in all sits in recent week or so. It's interesting that several months ago, when doing TMI practices, I was thinking that I have cured dullness, but it seems that there is much more work to do. But I should say that there is much less dullness when doing body/breath practice, compared to focusing on the murk!

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/24/19 3:38 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Update:

In last night's sit, focusing on the candle flame and also the dot, was causing a relatively strong feeling of pressure in the head, specially left temple, and I feel the same pressure now as I write, it's subtler now.

It seems that there was a shift in experiences that I noticed it since last night. Last night before the sit, there was a few bursts of release in the head, in the form of vibrations and a release like feeling in the face and nose, that happened without focusing on any particular thing. Today that happened several times too, also without trying to concentrate, last one happened just a few minutes ago. And there was a higher level of mindfulness during daily activities since last night. In the last week or 10 days, I didn't have much mindfulness off the cushion, and I had lots of mental talk going on, but today I noticed that I am remembering more often to be mindful.

Also I notice that the center of attention has become clearer since last night. During the sit, I noticed that when attention lands on the body, it causes some vibratory sensations there, which wasn't like that in the previous days. Also during the sit, for a few minutes, visual field became more alive with more bright colors, and some sparkles of bright yellow, but then dullness arose and it became dark again. I didn't have toothache in last night's sit!

And there is no noticeable negative emotion.

I don't know what is the direction of experiences, but I can be sure that a shift has started.

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/25/19 5:53 PM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Update:

Previously there were lots of colors around the black dot, but these days it is mostly dark, or there is just bright purple to deep pink. Last night for just a little while, some other colors appeared around the black dot, green, blue, but they vanished quickly and it was just bright purple/ deep pink, and then mostly the darkness. And there were vibrations mostly in the head.

Today again I had lots of vibrations in my head without trying to concentrate. For a few hours there was a feeling of pressure in the face and head, and at some points it was quite strong and somewhat painful. Emotionally it was calm and neutral, but in the evening, some negative emotions arose, sadness and low energy, and these emotions intensified and were there for a few hours. But then they went away and again it was neutral. I also had a dream last night that included strong fear and shame in it.

A few hours ago, I noticed that there are some vibratory sensations in the body arising at different locations, so I focused on the body, and very intense vibrations started to happen on my head, with tingly sensations spreading over the body, and sensations at the botton of spine that were intensifying, and a sting like feeling at the tale bone, which looked like an itch also, that was getting more intense that I never had it this intense before, which at some point it felt like that feeling causes the body to move. It also was 'causing' a feeling of sexual pleasure and pleasant tingly sensations spreading over the legs mostly. Sparkles of bright white/yellow also appeared, with a sense of spaciousness in the visual field when eyes were open. Also there was a continuous white noise that looked like it's from the outside, but it's just in the mind, like a very thin bamboo whistle, which these days usually I hear it a lot, and sometimes it stays for 10-30 minutes.

After about 20 minutes like this, the intensity decreased and after 10 minutes or so, it became relatively normal. In these few hours after that, focusing just a few seconds on any thing, causes intense vibrations in the head, and other vibratory sensations in the body, and bright light/colors in the visual field.

Looks similar to descriptions of A&P, but I would be surprised about the speed of cycles if it's A&P.

 

RE: Siavash's Fire Kasina Practice Log
Answer
6/26/19 2:30 AM as a reply to Siavash Mahmoudpour.
Siavash Mahmoudpour:

Today again I had lots of vibrations in my head without trying to concentrate. For a few hours there was a feeling of pressure in the face and head, and at some points it was quite strong and somewhat painful. Emotionally it was calm and neutral, but in the evening, some negative emotions arose, sadness and low energy, and these emotions intensified and were there for a few hours. But then they went away and again it was neutral. I also had a dream last night that included strong fear and shame in it.

A few hours ago, I noticed that there are some vibratory sensations in the body arising at different locations, so I focused on the body, and very intense vibrations started to happen on my head, with tingly sensations spreading over the body, and sensations at the botton of spine that were intensifying, and a sting like feeling at the tale bone, which looked like an itch also, that was getting more intense that I never had it this intense before, which at some point it felt like that feeling causes the body to move. It also was 'causing' a feeling of sexual pleasure and pleasant tingly sensations spreading over the legs mostly. Sparkles of bright white/yellow also appeared, with a sense of spaciousness in the visual field when eyes were open. Also there was a continuous white noise that looked like it's from the outside, but it's just in the mind, like a very thin bamboo whistle, which these days usually I hear it a lot, and sometimes it stays for 10-30 minutes.

After about 20 minutes like this, the intensity decreased and after 10 minutes or so, it became relatively normal. In these few hours after that, focusing just a few seconds on any thing, causes intense vibrations in the head, and other vibratory sensations in the body, and bright light/colors in the visual field.

Looks similar to descriptions of A&P, but I would be surprised about the speed of cycles if it's A&P.

 

The fact that there was strong dullness in last night's sit, and that I fell asleep in the Fire Kasina sit, after about 30-40 minutes of practicing, doesn't look much like A&P. I am reading the description of stages from MCTB2 again, and now that I was reading the section for Re-observation, it seems that Re-observation can have similar manifestations like the above too.