Feeling of heaviness. Any tips greatly appreciated.

Callisto Moon, modified 2 Years ago at 4/10/22 12:37 PM
Created 2 Years ago at 4/10/22 12:37 PM

Feeling of heaviness. Any tips greatly appreciated.

Post: 1 Join Date: 4/10/22 Recent Posts
Hi everyone

I thought I post here since I couldn't find any posts on the subject of "heaviness".

As a little background: I'm 34, live alone and have successful career working for a bank. I've been meditating since 5 years every day (with a few exceptions). I focus on the breath and sometimes imagine landscapes. The mental imagining of vast, spacious landscapes interestingly leads me pretty quickly to deep states, at least to alpha brainwaves as far as I can tell. Not every meditation is the same. It always calms me down. But sometimes I reach a deep place where thoughts subside more and more, and in rare cases there a no thoughts at all and only the observer is present (something that I previsously thought to be impossible).

A few years ago, through several experiences (relationship breakup, shamanic ceremonies, meditation etc.) I came to understand, experience and accept the three characteristics of impermanence, suffering and no-self and I fully accept these as the truth and the way reality really is. The way I see the world and especially Nature has changed. When I walk in Nature, everything seems crisp and fresh, as though it were created only one moment ago. And I sense a stillness that is surrounding all things.

I'm under the impression that I am now less affected than many other people by pride, envy and the need for ego satisfaction. However, there is a certain kind of heaviness that I feel almost all the time. It feels like a weight on my shoulders that is put there and I somehow can't seem to shake it off. After a meditation session, this is greatly relieved, but the heaviness always comes back. I don't think it's related to my physical lifestyle, as my body is healthy, I maintain a good diet and do exercise, don't smoke, don't consume drugs/alcohol). The heaviness comes along with a deep feeling of existential tiredness. Sometimes disgust at the world an people. The most beautiful moment of my day, apart from meditation, is when I can go to sleep at night and the world disappears. I do have the energy to do sports and to do what's required at the job. But I'm in a low energy mode almost all the time. My motivation to "do life" is quite low. Sometimes I crave non-existence.

I would like to transition to a state of more equanimity, surrender and a joyful frame of mind. I seek more lightness in my life. Is the heaviness something that is known in awakening phenomenology? Are there any pointers you can give me? Were or are you in a similar state and what helped you?

Thank you very much for responding.
Robert L, modified 2 Years ago at 4/10/22 2:55 PM
Created 2 Years ago at 4/10/22 2:55 PM

RE: Feeling of heaviness. Any tips greatly appreciated.

Posts: 72 Join Date: 2/10/19 Recent Posts
Just observe it like everything else. It will arise and then pass away like everything else. I've found that metta helps dissolve difficult or pervasive emotions, and that heaviness and tiredness is no exception. I've experienced it many times, I just accept it, observe it, let it arise and eventually pass away. Sometimes a good nap helps! 
Also, these feelings/sensations can be associated with clinical depression, so be kind to yourself and seek treatment if necessary.
George S, modified 2 Years ago at 4/10/22 5:23 PM
Created 2 Years ago at 4/10/22 5:23 PM

RE: Feeling of heaviness. Any tips greatly appreciated.

Posts: 2722 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
'The heaviness comes along with a deep feeling of existential tiredness. Sometimes disgust at the world an people.'

Sounds like it could possibly be due to repressed anger. Depression often develops as a shield to prevent someone from feeling anger, if anger is judged to be unsafe or unacceptable. Perhaps you had angry caregivers and it was not safe for you to express anger as a child. If any of this sounds like it could be true for you, then I would recommend trying to find a good therapist. If not, I mean no offense. Best wishes.

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