Hey all, I'm having a bit of a problem with my practice. I went through what seemed to be a pretty clear A&P event several months ago - energy rushing up my spine, felt like my head exploded, waves of bliss, intense desire to practice, etc. Ever since then though, I feel like I'm getting nowhere when I meditate. In some ways it seems even worse than when I first started meditating .

When I try to do concentration practice, either with the breath or kasina, I can focus on the object, and I feel like I'm staying with it pretty well, then all of sudden I'll realize that I've just been spacing out or daydreaming, all while thinking I was paying attention. The worst part is that I don't even notice it - before it was pretty clear when I'd have thoughts, they would just pop up, I would acknowledge them and go back to the object. Another strange thing is, I don't seem to have much mental chatter at all - even during my day-to-day life I'll sometimes notice that I've just been doing something and not thinking about anything, but at the same time it's not at all like when I'm focused or "present" in the current moment.

When I try to do noting practice, I usually end up getting frustrated, because I now have trouble even noting basic things. Before it wasn't difficult for me to just say "rising, rising, falling, falling" etc, when there wasn't anything else to note, but now I will catch myself noting these things and then noticing that I'm just saying the word, and I haven't actually been noticing anything. Further - and this _really_ bothers me - I haven't had any unpleasant sensations at all! I feel kind of crazy for thinking this, but I'm craving the dukkha nanas. It feels like I'm stuck in this zone where I don't experience anything of note, pleasant or unpleasant. I miss the earlier territory where it always seemed like I was progressing. By the way, I do attempt to note these feelings of boredom or lack of progress, but it doesn't really seem to help. I'll be honest, I haven't had the motivation to keep up a really regular practice, but I'm still sitting for an hour or so once or twice a week, and I literally haven't made any progress since my A&P event.

Finally, I've begun to question if I ever passed the A&P at all, in some ways I feel like maybe I haven't even reached 1st nana, and I'm just a novice meditator who hasn't got anywhere. To make things even more confusing, I read a post here describing an experience that sounded very similar my A&P event, but the commenter seemed to think he had attained stream entry, and some members here who I respect seemed to agree. Based on my current state of mind, it seems pretty clear that I'm in DN and haven't reached SE, but part of me wonders if maybe I reached it and didn't realize and am now back at the beginning of a path. Is this possible?

To summarize, I seem to be stuck in Dissolution. Any advice on how to progress from here?

I get this phenomena too from time to time in the dark night,
'having no objects to note' not finding anything,
just note the 'not finding', note the 'frustration', and note 'nothing to note', it will keep progressing from there.

I'm going through this now. It's agitating to feel like you're going backwards. Just have to let go of wanting a perfect meditation and just keep noting.

What Yadid said.

You can try to check if the following is happening: rather than not noticing anything, you're actually constantly paying attention to a sort of background which seems solid, and is so familiar (due to being there for so long and you taking its existence for granted), that it seems there's nothing there.

Widen your attention, notice (and note) "not noticing anything," and notice in detail what "not noticing anything" is like. See if it moves, or vibrates or tingles a bit.

Btw, you say you're craving for the dukka nanas? How about:

• getting frustrated
• feeling stuck, like you're getting nowhere
• feeling like you can't focus on the object
• feeling out of sync / disconnected
• feeling "really bothered"

All of these are things you mention in your post. They are exactly "what you should be noticing." Anything that happens is it. It's not like there are two things happening in your experience, some are "it" and you should be noticing them, and some are "not it" and are instead "signs that you are not noticing properly." If you are doing noting practice like there were these two kinds of things, then your are not noticing properly

To spike your curiosity, you could ask yourself: what is this feeling of "being stuck etc" like, exactly? Why on earth do I feel "stuck"? Stuck where? Why isn't it just perfectly fine to sit here noticing what it is like — and enjoying — being alive? There will likely be resistance, impatience, agitation, and other forms of restlessness.

You can end your "craving for the dukkha nanas" right there ('cus you got 'em).