Questions on Actualism

ManZ A, modified 14 Years ago at 7/25/10 2:50 PM
Created 14 Years ago at 7/25/10 2:50 PM

Questions on Actualism

Posts: 105 Join Date: 1/12/10 Recent Posts
After reading through the AF website (not in its entirety) and reflecting for a bit, the Actualism thing seems to make a lot of sense to me. Intellectually it makes sense, but my "gut" or intuition says otherwise. Since I've been going with my intuition so far, I thought I'd try the other way. It seems what I've really been chasing is in fact a PCE. So there are a few questions regarding the theory and practice of Actualism. While I'm sure some of these questions may be covered on the AF website, I'd like to hear answers from other AF people who have practiced it. Plus, sometimes I find it a bit tedious to go through the website.

Questions/comments regarding theory and others' experiences:

1) I read someone say (on DhO) that the actualism process may be something along the lines of '(1) destroy self (2) destroy Self. (3) done'. Now enlightenment is also commonly described as the dissolution of the self (ego). So is there a point in the actualism process where you could consider yourself to be enlightened? Meaning the "self" has been destroyed, but the "Self" has yet to be. Or are both annihilated at once?

2) For those who are actually free, are there any notable effects on personality due to your acquiring an AF or are you for the most part the same?

3) What were your impressions after getting your first PCE by practicing the HAIETMOBA?

4) Will I literally be going through all my "beliefs, ideas, values, theories, truths, customs, traditions, ideals, superstitions and all the other schemes and dreams" and examine them in order to get an AF or do I simply have to go through enough until a PCE occurs and keep repeating the PCE?

Questions/comments regarding practice and my experiences:

1) As I put HAIETMOBA into effect, there are a few things that I notice. Most of the time, my awareness immediately gets drawn towards the senses (mainly the visual field) or seems to be heading in that direction for just a moment or two. There's not enough time to examine that state as it's really short (Trying to examine it also seems to cause dissipation). After that brief moment, there's a feeling in my chest and/or crown area which draws and "pulls" awareness back "inward". Upon closer examination, the feeling could be called an unsatisfactoriness, or at other times a fear or craving for pleasure. I actually don't get what to do after that. How does one just "Get back to feeling good as soon as possible"? So I just tried finding the source of the emotion and many a times I don't find it, it seems to just be there. Instead I tried asking afterwards "Who is feeling fear?" and there will be a realization that I can't find this 'I'. Then awareness will again be drawn towards the senses for some brief moments and the process keeps repeating. The other times I do find the source of the fear, I'm unable to simply "Get back to feeling good as soon as possible". Am I doing this right? Or am I simply floundering about in my "stuff"?

2) Do I continue asking myself "How am I experiencing this moment of being alive?" (wordless or otherwise) even while I'm feeling good or only when I feel bad? Do I trace the origin of the happiness or pleasure? When I am "feeling good", do I simply continue doing so until a PCE occurs?

3) Yesterday while I was going to sleep, I asked HAIETMOBA (wordlessly) and noticed that there was a sort of "heavy" feeling (having the texture of unclarity) in my head and a slight feeling in my chest. My awareness was still "inside" and found again that it was the same unsatisfactoriness which seems to always be present. It seems to me that feelings are constant in some way. Then for a few moments the "heavy" feeling disappeared and there was just the back of my eyelids with the black and the purple and the red. It was as if the "inner" world was turned off. But it only lasted for a little while as it felt like 'I' was trying to grasp for air by trying to find a feeling which disappeared with the feeling in my head. Was that kind of like a PCE or was it just some randomness?

The problem I'm having is figuring out what exactly a PCE is. It seems like I'm always having it, but at the same time I'm not because there are feelings such as sadness, anger, etc. Or maybe I am having a PCE when I try to have one but something pulls awareness back down.

Hope to hear some comments and clarifications.

Thanks emoticon
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Dan Bartlett, modified 14 Years ago at 7/26/10 5:18 PM
Created 14 Years ago at 7/26/10 5:05 PM

RE: Questions on Actualism

Posts: 46 Join Date: 7/20/09 Recent Posts
Hi,

The "gut" that says otherwise (along with some nasty heart/throat ache) is exactly what I had to push through to get my first real results. In the end it just needed more 1) consistency and 2) sensuousness (revelling in the sensations of moving around, feeling body heat, slowly taking in colours, savouring the caffeine high, feeling and hearing my tongue moving around inside my mouth/head etc.) Note: I work in an office, doing usual admin stuff.

1) Richard experienced enlightenment and then AF 11 years later. Peter and Vineeto went the "direct route" i.e. self and Self gone in one event without prior enlightenment, albeit after a lot of PCE experience and work. I believe Tarin and Trent both experienced enlightenment prior to becoming AF. Actualists generally don't seem to be fans of enlightenment, although accept that it can happen on the way to AF.

3) I wasn't really practicing HAIETMOBA, but just really driving a calm loosely-concentrated yet consistent attentiveness and infusing it with sensuousness. I built up the practice based on reading and re-reading http://actualfreedom.com.au/richard/articles/attentivenesssensuousnessapperceptiveness.htm. This is my little AF bible and I highly recommend it.

My first impression was quiet awe. I simply didn’t realise how much of “my existence” - what I considered to be reasonably objective perception - was actually “my feeling” until that element went into abeyance and I was living in a previously unknown world of magic, a whole new order of clarity without the volatile energy of the affective system flying everywhere.

I don’t recall slipping into the PCE all of the sudden like some people seem to (although this has happened once, before I heard about AF), but sustained the practice to the point of reflecting at the end of the day and thinking "too good to be true.” When I usually think "too good to be true", there's this emotional downer in the gut that follows. But the attentive momentum accumulated throughout the day had knocked that function out of order. It just didn't happen. Fine, I carried on! Unbelieveable.

Unbelievable because at that point - after a day or so of practice, where things were near perfect at the peaks - I wasn’t trying to "stop" or even disidentify with the emotions. Sensuousness had triggered apperceptiveness and with self in abeyance the affective charge just wasn’t an issue. With being in abeyance, the root was cut, and what remained was an astonishing glimmering stillness. This gave me a lot of insight into the actualist line about my feelings being me, and me being my feelings, in that ultimately you can’t remove the feelings and keep the being – it is being in abeyance which comes first and sets the scene and standard. The charge wasn’t there to jump onto sensations, so it just wasn’t a problem (at least for as long as I could maintain the attentiveness)

When I was really in the groove I would test the waters more by thinking of something uncomfortable and waiting for that familiar emotional tension around my lower chakras signalling the beginning of an affective feeling, as a kind of test/bait. But it just wasn't happening. Fine, I’ll carry on! Grooving on everything, gradually loosing myself in the sparkling clarity.

I remember getting home that evening and noticing how I was almost totally free of the usual aches and tensions I'd feel after a day in the office. Reading Daniel's account of his PCE work days in the Cycling vs PCE mode thread reminded me of this. For someone deeply interested in the human body, general well-being and a training massage therapist, this was a very unexpected result i.e. near zero tension, not just an impressive reduction. So much of that tension was caused by my emotional struggle with the trivial aspects of everyday work.

Just writing about all this now is once again inclining me towards that way of experiencing, and I’m thankful for that as the last 2 months have been tough and testing.

(I’ve thought about whether the above experience was PCE proper or an EE, but either way it was a whole new order of well-being for me, and has left a considerable imprint. I have detailed notes roughly typed up covering the 2/3 day experiment where I got these results, including more descriptions and comments on issues I had to get past. If you would like to hear more please say, or I could start a new thread as I’d originally intended to a few weeks back.)

4) Personally I think that, based on comparing Richard’s dramatic and seemingly over-the-top accounts of enlightenment and post-enlightenment with my own experiences, things can be done in a slightly less BOOM! POW! total belief annihilation way. I don’t know though, I do find the social identity deconstruction / laying bare powerful at times, and can see how it forms an important part of the path. I sense it will become more important the further along I go.

Practice questions.

1) Your description generally matches my experience, re: the initial sensuousness often ending with “awareness” being dragged “inward.” I also often get resistance in the chest/heart and throat. From there I usually practice a kind of letting go where I purposely “reside nowhere”, or focus on the constantly crashing ever-evolving wave of present experience with the gentle inclination/intent to drop any future grasping or past reflection, but with plenty of steeping in the utter novelty of each new movement. Beginners Mind in zen talk, naivety in AF terminology. Other times reminders about pure intent will help. Or just a little smile and a deep breath :-)

2) I only really ask it at random intervals, or when I stop feeling good. It usually gets me back to feeling good, and from there I tend to stick with attentiveness and sensuousness. Occasionally HAIETMOBA will propel me straight into feeling brilliant. Even then I still have to maintain the soft un-gathered awareness to level up and get being to quiet down for a while.

3) Not sure what this is. Either way, is it making ya happy now? If not, then you better move on!

Hope this helps, good to share notes.
Craig N, modified 14 Years ago at 7/28/10 2:46 PM
Created 14 Years ago at 7/28/10 2:46 PM

RE: Questions on Actualism

Posts: 134 Join Date: 8/22/09 Recent Posts
Hi Dan

I really enjoyed reading your post, and wanted to say thanks for sharing this.

I was enjoying it so much, in fact, that I completely missed my bus stop on the ride home after work and had to beg my wife to come pick me up because there were no return services that late at night. Whoops!

Craig
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Dan Bartlett, modified 14 Years ago at 7/28/10 4:13 PM
Created 14 Years ago at 7/28/10 4:13 PM

RE: Questions on Actualism

Posts: 46 Join Date: 7/20/09 Recent Posts
Good to hear from you again Craig, it's been a while! I'm glad you enjoyed the read.

And touché, as I just spilled most of my half-rolled spliff in my keyboard laughing at your comment.
ManZ A, modified 14 Years ago at 7/28/10 5:19 PM
Created 14 Years ago at 7/28/10 5:19 PM

RE: Questions on Actualism

Posts: 105 Join Date: 1/12/10 Recent Posts
Hi Dan,

Thanks a lot for your very detailed response! emoticon It did clear up and confirm a few things.

Your post has reminded me that the main point of the practice is to become "happy and harmless" and thus not keep getting lost in my stuff, which happens ever so often. And thank you for that link, I had come upon the same page before, but didn't get to reading the entire thing yet. I've thought about whether I'm supposed to continuously keep asking HAIETMOBA or just try to maintain attentiveness and sensuousness, but both seem to be the same thing in many ways. The letting go idea sounds like it would help as there does seem to be some sort of a grasping felt in my experience. That was a very nice account of your impressions of the PCE. Still have yet to have some sort of experience (PCE) that would leave such a big impression on me. So I'm going to try to maintain attentiveness (similar to mindfulness?) and sensuousness to the best of my abilities. Your post also seems to imply (unsure) that you are enlightened, which really makes me think about whether that would help in some way or not. Richard gives the impression that it's harder to gain an AF if one is enlightened than otherwise. I'm not sure how true that is though considering that Tarin and Trent supposedly gained it pretty fast.

Oh and I'd love to hear about your 2/3 day experiment and your other descriptions and comments. It would definitely help me in understanding more about the process and strengthening my knowledge.

Hope to hear from some actually free people as well.

Thanks
Ram Ravan, modified 14 Years ago at 8/17/10 12:00 AM
Created 14 Years ago at 8/17/10 12:00 AM

RE: Questions on Actualism

Posts: 9 Join Date: 8/12/10 Recent Posts
Dan Bartlett:
Hi,

I wasn't really practicing HAIETMOBA, but just really driving a calm loosely-concentrated yet consistent attentiveness and infusing it with sensuousness.

... I have detailed notes roughly typed up covering the 2/3 day experiment where I got these results, including more descriptions and comments on issues I had to get past. If you would like to hear more please say, or I could start a new thread as I’d originally intended to a few weeks back.)




Can you describe more? Attentiveness to your inner self (emotions, sense of presence) and infuse with sensuousness to outside? details please! Can you describe the method more clearly?

And did you put up those rough notes? Pl to give link. if you haven't please do put em up

Cheers!

Ram
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Dan Bartlett, modified 14 Years ago at 8/22/10 5:06 PM
Created 14 Years ago at 8/22/10 5:06 PM

RE: Questions on Actualism

Posts: 46 Join Date: 7/20/09 Recent Posts
Hi,

Sorry, no I haven't put them up yet, they need a bit of editing and clearing up. I will try in the next fortnight but I have a rather brutal schedule, for the next week at least. For now, I'll just say I got nearly everything I needed from the essay Attentiveness, Sensuousness and Apperceptiveness (linked to above). Read, practice, re-read, practice, re-read, practice....
Luciano de Noeme Imoto, modified 14 Years ago at 8/24/10 3:07 PM
Created 14 Years ago at 8/24/10 3:07 PM

RE: Questions on Actualism

Posts: 75 Join Date: 6/2/10 Recent Posts
Read, practice, re-read, practice, re-read, practice....


Great advice Dan!

Btw, last year someone asked me two questions on actualism: "Do you understand Richard? Do you agree with him?"

My answer was "no" to the first and "yes" to the second.
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tarin greco, modified 14 Years ago at 8/14/10 2:35 AM
Created 14 Years ago at 8/13/10 9:56 PM

RE: Questions on Actualism

Posts: 658 Join Date: 5/14/09 Recent Posts
ManZ A:

1) I read someone say (on DhO) that the actualism process may be something along the lines of '(1) destroy self (2) destroy Self. (3) done'. Now enlightenment is also commonly described as the dissolution of the self (ego). So is there a point in the actualism process where you could consider yourself to be enlightened? Meaning the "self" has been destroyed, but the "Self" has yet to be. Or are both annihilated at once?


progress through the actualism process does shift the identity away from the thinker and toward the feeler more and more - it is essential to understand how 'i am my feelings, and my feelings are me'.

finally, though, the end of the thinker and feeler happen concurrently. even what the enlightened identify as the thinker/the ego is not actually eradicated by the process of enlightenment (it just moves closer to its true home).


ManZ A:

2) For those who are actually free, are there any notable effects on personality due to your acquiring an AF or are you for the most part the same?


well, actual freedom or not, i think personalities change over time all the time.. for instance, i am under no illusion that any of my friends and family are the exact same people i knew them as in the past. that said, i am now never callous, nor irritable, nor impatient, nor anxious and worrisome, which, by any reasonable measure, is a big change from how i was before. else, my personality is more or less the same as it was (immediately prior to actual freedom).


ManZ A:

3) What were your impressions after getting your first PCE by practicing the HAIETMOBA?


after my first pce, i understood that, to put it simply, 'this is for real'. furthermore, i understood how felicitous feelings - as in genuinely feeling very well - were the feeling-states most similar to the pce, and so were the most conducive to the purpose of bringing pces on.


ManZ A:

4) Will I literally be going through all my "beliefs, ideas, values, theories, truths, customs, traditions, ideals, superstitions and all the other schemes and dreams" and examine them in order to get an AF or do I simply have to go through enough until a PCE occurs and keep repeating the PCE?


i would recommend, as the main practice, the latter (just keep aiming at the pce). however, if you are sincere, then along the way you will almost certainly find that your various beliefs, ideas, values, theories, truths, customs, traditions, ideals, and superstitions (and all your other schemes and dreams) are worth having a close and honest look at.

when this happens, and you do have a close and honest look, you will be better able to discover your own heart's various desires, as well as to discern if they are really serving the purpose(s) you would like them to serve. and if you discern that they are not, then you will be in a better position to bring them (and thereby, yourself) into alignment with what you sincerely desire.

further, if what you sincerely desire here is the end of suffering's cause, you will find it.


*


ManZ A:

Questions/comments regarding practice and my experiences:

1) As I put HAIETMOBA into effect, there are a few things that I notice. Most of the time, my awareness immediately gets drawn towards the senses (mainly the visual field) or seems to be heading in that direction for just a moment or two. There's not enough time to examine that state as it's really short (Trying to examine it also seems to cause dissipation). After that brief moment, there's a feeling in my chest and/or crown area which draws and "pulls" awareness back "inward". Upon closer examination, the feeling could be called an unsatisfactoriness, or at other times a fear or craving for pleasure. I actually don't get what to do after that. How does one just "Get back to feeling good as soon as possible"?


in general, by remembering the last time you felt good/felt fine, and in that remembrance, getting a clear sense of what it is to feel good/feel fine (which is a visceral experience), and inclining your mind toward it. it may help to here consider what feeling good is worth is worth (it's worth a lot), and to compare it to the unsatisfactoriness you were just experiencing (it compares favourably satisfied).

more specific a solution to the situation you mention (in which you are briefly aware of sense experience and then feel 'pulled' 'inward' to feelings at your chest or head) might be to just re-attend to the sense experience again and ignore that pull inward (just pretend that it's not there). in my experience, this was more helpful to do when i felt fine already than when i was feeling bad or troubled in some way.

ManZ A:

So I just tried finding the source of the emotion and many a times I don't find it, it seems to just be there. Instead I tried asking afterwards "Who is feeling fear?" and there will be a realization that I can't find this 'I'.


hmm.. here, try asking instead, 'what is this fear i am feeling?'

ManZ A:

Then awareness will again be drawn towards the senses for some brief moments and the process keeps repeating. The other times I do find the source of the fear, I'm unable to simply "Get back to feeling good as soon as possible". Am I doing this right? Or am I simply floundering about in my "stuff"?


i don't know. when you are 'unable to simply "Get back to feeling good as soon as possible"', what is it that is happening to prevent it? that is, what are you doing instead?


ManZ A:

2) Do I continue asking myself "How am I experiencing this moment of being alive?" (wordless or otherwise) even while I'm feeling good or only when I feel bad? Do I trace the origin of the happiness or pleasure?


this part's up to you.. if it makes sense to keep asking when you are feeling good, go for it. if you do, the important thing at that point is for you to genuinely be into it, rather than just repeat it (whether verbally or wordlessly) listlessly or conflictedly.

it's the nature of your intent that matters most.. and if you're feeling good (as in feeling felicitous), then your intent should be united with these feelings.

ManZ A:

When I am "feeling good", do I simply continue doing so until a PCE occurs?


yes. gently, sensitively, carefully.. alertly, intently, attentively. this really matters.. nothing (else) matters.


ManZ A:

3) Yesterday while I was going to sleep, I asked HAIETMOBA (wordlessly) and noticed that there was a sort of "heavy" feeling (having the texture of unclarity) in my head and a slight feeling in my chest. My awareness was still "inside" and found again that it was the same unsatisfactoriness which seems to always be present. It seems to me that feelings are constant in some way. Then for a few moments the "heavy" feeling disappeared and there was just the back of my eyelids with the black and the purple and the red. It was as if the "inner" world was turned off. But it only lasted for a little while as it felt like 'I' was trying to grasp for air by trying to find a feeling which disappeared with the feeling in my head. Was that kind of like a PCE or was it just some randomness? 


maybe. does it inspire you to live free from being compelled by some force or pushed around in some way by something which now seems unnecessary?


ManZ A:

The problem I'm having is figuring out what exactly a PCE is. It seems like I'm always having it, but at the same time I'm not because there are feelings such as sadness, anger, etc. Or maybe I am having a PCE when I try to have one but something pulls awareness back down. 


the immediacy which you experience at any given moment before feelings kick in is a pce[1]... hence, the question 'how am i experiencing this moment of being alive?' is, in a way, the most direct route to one.


ManZ A:

Hope to hear some comments and clarifications. 


sorry for my delayed response.

tarin

[1]
Richard:

When one first becomes aware of something, there is a fleeting instant of the clean perception of sensum just before one recognises the percept (the mental product or result of perception) and also before one identifies with all the feeling memories associated with its qualia (the qualities pertaining to the properties of the form) and this ‘raw sense-datum’ stage of sensational perception is a direct experience of the actual. Clear perception is in that instant where one converges one’s eyes or ears or nose or tongue or skin on the thing. It is that moment just before one focuses one’s feeling-memory on the object. It is the split-second just as one affectively subjectifies it ... which is just prior to clamping down on it viscerally and segregating it from the rest of pure, conscious existence. Pure perception takes place sensitively just before one starts feeling the percept – and thus thinking about it affectively – which takes place just before one’s feeling-fed mind says: ‘It’s a man’ or: ‘It’s a woman’ or: ‘It’s a steak-burger’ or: ‘It’s a tofu-burger’ ... with all that is implied in this identification and the ramifications that stem from that. This fluid, soft-focused moment of bare awareness, which is not learned, has never been learned, and never will be learned, could be called an aesthetically sensual regardfulness or a consummate sensorial discernibleness or an exquisitely sensuous heedfulness ... in a word: apperceptiveness.


http://www.actualfreedom.com.au/richard/articles/attentivenesssensuousnessapperceptiveness.htm
ManZ A, modified 14 Years ago at 8/15/10 12:34 AM
Created 14 Years ago at 8/15/10 12:34 AM

RE: Questions on Actualism

Posts: 105 Join Date: 1/12/10 Recent Posts
Hi Tarin,

Thanks for your your response and advice! It did clear up a few things.

train greco:
well, actual freedom or not, i think personalities change over time all the time.. for instance, i am under no illusion that any of my friends and family are the exact same people i knew them as in the past. that said, i am now never callous, nor irritable, nor impatient, nor anxious and worrisome, which, by any reasonable measure, is a big change from how i was before. else, my personality is more or less the same as it was (immediately prior to actual freedom).


This is true, and am glad to hear about the results.

tarin greco:
i would recommend, as the main practice, the latter (just keep aiming at the pce). however, if you are sincere, then along the way you will almost certainly find that your various beliefs, ideas, values, theories, truths, customs, traditions, ideals, and superstitions (and all your other schemes and dreams) are worth having a close and honest look at.

when this happens, and you do have a close and honest look, you will be better able to discover your own heart's various desires, as well as to discern if they are really serving the purpose(s) you would like them to serve. and if you discern that they are not, then you will be in a better position to bring them (and thereby, yourself) into alignment with what you sincerely desire.

further, if what you sincerely desire here is the end of suffering's cause, you will find it.



Then will all my "beliefs, ideas, values, theories, truths, customs, traditions, ideals, superstitions and all the other schemes and dreams" be completely absent in a PCE in that "I" will no longer cling to them or subscribe to them? Or will they still be present to the extent of how much I dismantle? Well I guess it's too much speculation on my part there. And indeed my wholehearted desire is for the ending of suffering, whatever the means.

tarin greco:
in general, by remembering the last time you felt good/felt fine, and in that remembrance, getting a clear sense of what it is to feel good/feel fine (which is a visceral experience), and inclining your mind toward it. it may help to here consider what feeling good is worth is worth (it's worth a lot), and to compare it to the unsatisfactoriness you were just experiencing (it compares favourably satisfied).

more specific a solution to the situation you mention (in which you are briefly aware of sense experience and then feel 'pulled' 'inward' to feelings at your chest or head) might be to just re-attend to the sense experience again and ignore that pull inward (just pretend that it's not there). in my experience, this was more helpful to do when i felt fine already than when i was feeling bad or troubled in some way.


This was actually what I wanted to try (pretend they aren't there and re-attend to the sense experience), but it really seems like (for some reason) I'm trying to suppress the feeling if I do that. And that's going against the instructions on the AF site saying that you should not suppress or express the feeling. But I'll try it and see how it goes.

tarin greco:
hmm.. here, try asking instead, 'what is this fear i am feeling?'


After investigating this (from asking "what is this fear i am feeling) I'll find out that the feeling has a physical component in that it's felt somewhere in the body (mainly near the heart/chest area and maybe the abdominal area) and that it's supported by a mental component (e.g. a thought that occurred or a thought that occurred due to me having seen something or heard something). But what will that do? I think I'm not understanding how "I am my feelings and my feelings are me".

tarin greco:

i don't know. when you are 'unable to simply "Get back to feeling good as soon as possible"', what is it that is happening to prevent it? that is, what are you doing instead?


I'm too wound up in the feeling, the feeling is too strong. OR I will be investigating the feeling trying to figure out what it is, what was it's trigger, or how silly it is to be feeling that (For some reason it seems so easy, but it's so hard or I'm making it so hard, can't seem to put my finger on it). But the main reason is that the feeling is really strong or feels justified in some way. Even when I find the trigger and see intellectually how silly it is for feeling that and not be happy (and break the justification), the feeling remains. Surely I'm not doing something right. Perhaps this is where I should pretend it's not there or re-attend to sense experience.

tarin greco:
maybe. does it inspire you to live free from being compelled by some force or pushed around in some way by something which now seems unnecessary?


It does. I've learned a few things about "me" from the practice. A lot of my feeling bad seems to be compulsions and a recurring theme I've noticed is that "I" feel attacked constantly. The feeling bad seems to be an automatic response from "me" being attacked (verbally or otherwise). But I can never find what "me" is. Maybe it's because the feelings are compulsions that it's hard to get back to feeling good. It's become a habit. Either way, yes I would like to live free from being compelled by some force and be pushed around.

tarin greco:

the immediacy which you experience at any given moment before feelings kick in is a pce[1]... hence, the question 'how am i experiencing this moment of being alive?' is, in a way, the most direct route to one.


That fleeting moment is a full blown PCE? Ok that clears up a few things.

tarin greco:

sorry for my delayed response.


It's kool, thanks for responding lol.